In the past week I have been randomly approached by three different men to talk about the same topic: being involved with a woman that has children. They all said (loud and clear), without a doubt, and absolutely zero hesitation: NO, they would not want to be involved with a woman that has a child. One of the gentlemen mentioned that his relationship with his ex suffered because of her child (an 11 year old boy that loved to proclaim the phrase: "you're not my father!"). Another young man said that he REALLY liked a girl but was nervous because of a number of what he considered 'negative' qualities: she has a young child, was not very ambitious, and did not have a job. He thought he would inevitably end up having to support her and 'the kid'. Lastly, a friend of mine had his car keyed because of ‘baby daddy drama’ and will not walk down that path again. Wow!
To sum it up pretty nicely, a gentleman on my bus ride home told me that dating a woman that has a child would depend on a couple of things, two of which are: the age of the child(ren) and the relationship between the lady and the father(s) of the child(ren). Makes sense. If the child is young enough, they could look at you as a father figure versus an intruder looking to steal mommy! Would it be okay if the lady in the picture had zero contact with her ex? That may be a good thing, but would you then feel like you may have to not only support this child emotionally, but financially as well? Would you be weary of becoming a father figure (to someone else's child...and maybe before your time), but then be hurt if you break up with your significant other? I know two guys that hurt more because they no longer get to see the child in the relationship, than being bothered by not being able to spend time with their ex's.
What other fears come to mind when considering entering a relationship with someone that has what some would consider "major baggage." Would it be easier to handle if you have a child(ren) of your own? You could possibly be missing out on meeting the love of your life by closing yourself off from dating one of the many outstanding single mothers out there. Are you okay with that? A lot of women have their sh&*t together and may not be in a relationship with their "baby daddy" due to uncontrollable reasons (i.e., husband/boyfriend passed away; abusive relationship; irreconcilable differences; guy turned gay; etc...) Why not test the waters with this great woman?
Ladies, would you consider dating a man that has a child(ren)? Would it be different if he lives with his child(ren), versus just having visitation rights? Does it depend on their age? Would you test him out to analyze his behavior toward his children as this may be a great indicator as to whether or not he would be fit to father your child? Would it matter less if you are a single mother?
Thoughts?
7 comments:
I've personally dated guys with children, and I say it depends on the person. Sometimes the amount of love the guy showed towards his child made him 10x more attractive. It all depends on the "baby mama drama" as well. If the mother isn't ignorant and has come to terms that they are no longer together then that makes it easier also. But its like dating him, his child (ren), and the childs mother...thats a lot of people to be dating. Its hard enough to date one guy.
Now as far as the childs perspective, I must say my moms first husband was like a father to me...more than my real father and he treated me like his own in all aspects. When they divorced, I was crushed. The next guy she dated wasn't into getting n e more children so we had a friendship rather than a father daughter relationship....I was also a lot older and would be damned if ole boy tried to tell me what to do when he didn't act like my father n e other time in my life. Our frienship has since deteriorated and Im almost dislike him. I think its also hard on the child and getting involved with someone "seriously" with a child is a different type of commitment all together. If the person with the child isn't protective, that child could have serious issues with different people coming in and out of their lives. Theres a lot of responsibility involved in dating someone with children.
It depends on the man. If he is really into the girl he should accept everything that comes along with her. Including children, family, Pets..Unusual Habits...Etc Etc....that is the point of being in a relationship...If its not worth it, then dont just jump into one your better off being single...But the same goes If the roles are reversed and the dude is the one with the child(ren)....Me Personally would preffer a woman with NO kids to be honest.,,but that is flexible depending on the girl..thats just my opinion
And last but not least..Shout out to all the single dads out there who stepped it up and have custody of their Kid(s)...It does exist as weird as that sounds...Im living proof!
I always said I never wanted to date a man with children, but then I met my ex. Granted he didnt tell me he had children initially to not scare me away. I wasbamboozled lol! Once I found out I was hooked; I decided to stick wit him and not be so picky. But the problems began with his 2nd baby momma (he had not one but two kids with two different women). She called constantly and their conversations were NOT about their son. I knew she wanted him back and I sometimes felt he felt he was missing out on being a father because he wasnt with her. Their son was young, a yr and a half old, and had some health issues, so eventually, when we broke up for some other drama, he returned to her. Pero perro al fin, he called me while they were together (living together) and asked if he could see me. I knew he was trying to get back in and cheat on his woman with me. I am soooo happy hes not my man (or problem) any more : )
hmm.. i have to get back to you on this one...
I would not date someone with a child right now...if you ask me that question in about 10 years, I'd probably have a different answer. Apart from having to deal with the drama that comes along with "baby mamas," I'm not ready to be involved in raising kids period! I do feel bad for the decent men and women who are trying to have good meaningful relationships but have to deal with crap from their kid's mother/father.
Good article. Just depends on how mature all the parties involved are.
I def agree that it depends on how mature an individual is. Everyone is different and can handle things differently .. Some people can not handle that at all, while others are "A" ok with it.
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