Love

Do you think it is possible to be IN love with two people at the same time?

Enough is Enough!...?

"One minute he's all over me and the next minute he's pushing me away and I just can't believe this is happening again. When it comes to relationships, how do you know when enough is enough?" {Carrie, Sex and the City, Season 2, Episode 24 "La Douleur Exquise!"}

Women do it over and over again. Even some men take their women back again and again when they know they are just prolonging the inevitable break-up. Even though your partner has broken up with you a million times over, when s/he comes back, you accept them back into your lives. What about when you know (or even have a feeling) s/he is doing you dirty? Why do you stay there taking it? How much pain and suffering can someone endure? How often should you take him/her back, when in the back of your mind you think you may break up again? Does this negatively affect your relationship? Does your heart become cold to that person? What ever happened to the “there are plenty of fish in the sea philosophy”?

Ashanti’s song "Foolish" is a great example of what some people feel inside when they keep falling into this type of relationship trap. “See my days are cold without you, but I’m hurting while I’m with you. And though my heart can’t take no more, I keep on running back to you.” Is it just because you are so used to being with that person? Is it a need to have someone by your side or is it truly a need to have that particular person by your side? Why are so many people ready to settle and continue being unhappy in a toxic relationship, when they could take a step back and wait for their true happiness?



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBZG5Gm6H-o

Men Want 3 Things....

Men....does she make sense or what?!?! Men Want 3 Things....



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSYKSmSfqcs

Relationship getting stale?

In the beginning of most relationships, everything is new, exciting, fun, adventurous, etc. People usually call it Bliss! After a while, the relationship reaches a point where things start falling off. You start showing your true colors. What’s next? Some people look elsewhere for the excitement, hang out with their friends, stay late at work to take their mind off of the relationship and/or don’t call as often. Some people cheat :-( {We at FreeHeartsandMinds are against this one} because they get bored of the same ole routine with their current relationship. The excitement of sneaking around gets them hooked and someone always ends up getting hurt. Other couples discuss their downward turn, work at their relationship and move forward :-)

Alicia Keys put it best in her song "Wreckless Love." She wanted to go back to the beginning of their relationship. She remembered the bliss we all experience in the first couple of months/years. When things were brand new. That time is a great time..."When you didn't know me, didn't need me, wanted to touch me, couldn't leave me....We just could not get enough of it."

What have you done when you felt your relationship was getting a bit stale? Do you have any juicy stories from friends that you would like to share?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQKiRbVEnKQ

Why I'm Single

The following is a post sent to me to see what my lovely readers have to say about it. Do you have any particular reason(s) why you are Single? If you are in a relationship, do you sometimes think you would prefer to be Single? Or conversely, why do you prefer to be in a relationship?

Enjoy!

Why I'm Single
by Nina Brown

I am single because I have a 6 year old son who soaks up everything like a sponge and I haven't met too many men who would leave an impression on him I would be proud of.

I am single because I have a fabulous job that consumes so much of my time.

I am single because I am a "single black female addicted to retail" and when the going gets tough, I spend my money on very expensive jeans or a fabulous new designer hand bag. I spend my own money on my fetishes because I never want to feel like I owe a man anything because he bought me something.

I am single because after 3 months of dating, you cut me off with no explanation... only for me to realize, you've been engaged to be married the entire time. It's unfortunate a radio show had to bring the truth out. Wow, thanks for copying on me the non-existent memo.

I am single because I can be very stubborn. I refuse to lower my standards because of the shortage of available, straight men.

I am single because I have an obsession with swagger and I refuse to date a man who lacks it.

I am single because my vision is grand, and my man has to understand that, and be working on his own incredible vision simultaneously.

I am single because I am quick witted and extremely driven.
I will not date a "slow lane" dude. I'd like my man to drive faster than I do, so that I can be challenged by a new speed and inspired to "keep up".

I am single because I will never allow a man to make me feel like I'm not the shit. Even when my skin isn't perfect, my waist isn't the smallest and my booty isn't the biggest... I'm still the shit.


I am single because I have an incredible Daddy who raised me, I understand what a stand up dude is. I expect my man to take care of his children, woman and household just as my Daddy did. There is no excuse.

I am single because I work in a male dominated industry and most men can't handle the fact I'm around other powerful, popular and well-connected men 24/7.

I am single because I have more backbone than a lot of men and I don't always want to be the "driver". I'd like to ride shotgun every once in a while, as my man takes over. He'll never have to worry about my ability to drive, when he's tired, I'll gladly take over.

I am single because I can carry my own weight. Most men have ego's that need to be stroked, so they seek needy women to make them feel like "men", looking down upon "independent women". Fortunately, I'm not looking for a "daddy", I've got one. I'm looking for an "equal" who can help me take over the world.

I am single because my male mentors expose me to things most men can't, like fine dining and traveling to new places some only experience thru the Discovery Channel. I would never expect a man to attempt to keep up with another, but its a state of mind, I need my man to want to expose me to new shit. Teach me something I don't already know, show me something I haven't already seen. If you can't physically or financially do that, be able to do
it mentally, it does count.

I am single because I have a zero tolerance for ignorance.

I am single because the one guy who captured my heart, happens to be a lil busy taking over the world, managing a multi-platinum artist and running a successful record label, timing is everything... and it wasn't our time. I fell in love with his work ethic, so I could never stand in the way of his grind. I watch from afar in amazement at his growth. Proud of everything he
has accomplished and who he has become. I fall back easily, knowing you win some and you lose some... And if you're lucky, you remain friends for a lifetime, which means... you never really lost.

I am single because I expect my man to lead, and quite honestly, the majority of men these days have no idea where they're going... And I'm supposed to follow you???!!! Please.

I am single because I will not sweat or stalk you, regardless of how fine you might be. I've got pride AND a life.

I am single because I choose to keep a good reputation, I will not sleep with you because you drive a flashy car, rock $500 Evisu jeans or have an icy watch and chain to match. Often times, that's all you've got (these 4 things).

I am single because I'm attracted to the hip hop culture and sometimes shy away from everything else. I should keep my options open, but I'm addicted to swagger, its not my fault.

I am single because sometimes I'd rather sleep then be on the social scene. I wake up at 3:30 am, 5 days a week.
You have to be the SHIT to make me sacrifice my R & R.

I am single because I'd sometimes rather hang out with my fabulous girlfriends then play the "get to know you" game with some new dude. My girlfriends mean guaranteed laughter and good times, can you guarantee that?

I am single because I don't want to inherit your baby mama drama. My son's father is one of the most unselfish men I've ever met.
I thank God I don't have baby daddy drama, why welcome yours?

I am single because some men are intimidated by my profession.

I am single because I refuse to play the sideline chick. I'm a good girl, if that doesn't make you want to make me number one,
I keep it moving.

I am single because I don't want to meet your kids on the second date, just because you date, doesn't mean your children do too.
I need a man who understands that.

I am single because I think male groupies are the lowest form of man. I see the groupie in a lot of men before they see it in themselves. It's disgusting.

I am single because I realize some men want to be affiliated with my connections and reap the benefits of my profession. If I were the same chick and working at QT, you wouldn't be that pressed.

I am single because the most important men in my life told me, I deserve the best, and now, that's what I want.

I am single because I will not tolerate being lied too. What an insult to my intelligence.

I am single because I have a phobia for the down low. I need a man who digs women ONLY!

I am single because I walk away at the first sight of a
"red flag". I have an incurable syndrome called "quick-to-cut-a-nigga-off". Surprisingly, men suffer from psycho behavior too.
Funny, I thought that was just a "girl thing"??

I am single because I choose to be. When the right man comes along who truly deserves my love, I will not doubt, second guess or conditionally love him. He will have me, and ALL of me. I will hold no punches and always be honest, yet compromising, realizing anything worth having requires hard work. I won't expect a relationship shortcut, I'll welcome the long route and enjoy the
scenery along the way.

Just my thoughts,
Nina Brown

What's your Fetish?

Fetish [n.]:  Something, such as a material object or a nonsexual part of the body, that arouses sexual desire and may become necessary for sexual gratification.  {Source:  Dictionary.com}

We ALL have a Fetish. Certain clothing, places, body parts, foods, smells and the list goes on!!! What's yours?

*****

To answer the comment below:  We will keep this one to "what turns you on?"  If shopping turns you on...great!  Shopping for what?  Undergarments for yourself, for your lover, shoe shopping...why?  Do you have to be with your significant other when you partake in certain fetish type activities?  

The Right One...

Any thoughts regarding the following article? it is loooooong but well worth the read. (Not sure who wrote it)

THE RIGHT ONE
First you must allow your Heavenly Father to do the picking. And second, the decision for a mate must be made on a spiritual and intellectual basis before it's made on an emotional one.

'What about love? Shouldn't that be the third? you ask. No, and I'll tell you why. 'The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? (Jeremiah 17:9).

The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently it just loves to love! Therefore you have to point it in the right direction: 'Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life' (Proverbs 4:23).

Whenever you meet a man, you need to get clearance from God, check out his attributes, and then allow your heart to engage. Dating exists not for mating; it exists for collecting data. I believe that the biblical design would be friendship, courtship and then marriage. Friendship is two people walking together in agreement and accountability, learning and growing together. Courtship follows the mutual agreement to commit to one another exclusively - it is the decisive turning toward the agreed-upon goal of the marriage altar. It is a period of laying a foundation and preparing your life together after marriage. But dating? Well, if you do date, use the time wisely to gather these facts.

1. Check out the fabric. Is the person mate material? Does this man have an intimate relationship with the Father through Jesus Christ? Does he care what God thinks about his behavior? Is he accountable to God as well as another co-laborer in the faith? Accountability is an important factor. It is imperative to maintaining a committed relationship. Is your potential spouse a member of the same family - the family of God?

You need to have common interests and values and agree on the essentials of living day to day. You have a similar spiritual walk. You eat the same spiritual diet. You enjoy a lot of similar things. You have like interests, like goals in life, like opinions on basic life issues. You have had like experiences in your background. Though there is some truth to the idiom that opposites attract, like-minded folks fare better together. Furthermore, does he want to get married? If you want to be married and your dreamboat isn't interested, don't waste your time. Remember, women fall in love and get married. Men decide to get married and then look for a wife. Note the difference in order. So if a guy says he's not looking for anything serious, take his words seriously. If he's not going in your direction, get off the bus and wait for the right one.

2. Does this man want you? Is he pursuing you? The man who is right for you will pursue you, and God's hand in the relationship will be clear. No guessing, no fleeces, no dead ends. Scripture says: 'He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord' (Proverbs 18:22).

Note -who finds whom? THE MAN FINDS THE WIFE. From the beginning of time, God has transported men and women across the world in order to put them together. At the RIGHT TIME, He will bring that man on the scene and he will find you. In God's perfect design, the man is the one who recognizes his mate. Adam has no problem recognizing that Eve was his missing rib. You do not need to strategically place yourself anywhere. You don't have to help a guy out because he's shy! Men will do whatever they have to do to get what they truly want. The man in your life should recognize you as the pearl of great price in his life and be willing to do whatever he must in order to gain your hand. If he is passive about gaining your affections, take it as a sign that he is not interested. Many a woman's mother has suggested that it is a good idea to marry a man who loves you more than you love him. As cold as that sounds, it actually might be scriptural if you stop to think about it: 'You love him because he first loved us' (1 John 4:19). Until then, take the ultimate chill pill. You don't need a bunch of men in your life to make you feel all right about yourself.

You need only one man - your man, the one God has selected to select you. And trust me, the right man at the wrong time can be just as awful as the wrong man at any time. So trust God's timing in this. He is the ultimate matchmaker. Relax, sit pretty and allow yourself to be found. Again - WAIT until the man voices his intentions. He should take the lead in establishing the relationship. You may have an inkling that he is the one, but God will use the man to set the tone of the relationship. Allow him the opportunity to woo you - this is your first act of submission. Jesus set the standard for all men to follow. They should love us first. And they should lead the relationship.

3. The man in your life should not desire to move into your house, only into your heart. A man who prepares for your future has made his intentions clear. A man who is husband material has the means to take care of a wife. He is a responsible human being who understands he needs to have something to offer. In short, a man should have the means to be a suitable lover for you.

4. Check out his buddies. Everyone knows birds of the same feather flock together, yet most women fail to see the connection between a man and his friends. A man's pals tell you a lot about the person that you haven't seen yet. They reveal things about the guy's character that might be hidden when he is on good behavior. Everyone knows how to put his best foot forward. Don't stay focused on the foot, check out the rest of the body!

5. Check out his relationship with his mother. How does he treat her? This is your preview of how he will treat you. There are lots of men who, because of a negative relationship with their mothers, really don't like women, yet say they do. Unresolved issues between mother and son continue between husband and wife.

6. Remember that a man's family reveals the cloth from which he's cut. Take note and decide whether you want your future with the man in your life to look like his present family situation.

7. Check out the patterns of his life. Do you see repeated cycles of drama in his personal kingdom? Broken relationships? Problems in making commitments --including the job market? Mood swings? Is a problem always someone else's fault? Does he embrace responsibility or shirk it? Does he keep his promises? Is he a man of good reputation? Remember all garments look wonderful hanging in the store, but with wear, some begin to unravel. Give yourself time and space to check out the man in your life. Time will always reveal whether or not he is made of the right stuff.

8. Does this man have a vision for his life? Is he running with that vision? Remember, God decided Adam needed help once Adam got busy DOING his assignment. As you saw Adam, a man doesn't need help until he is busy doing what he was created and called to do. Is the man in your life guided by sense of destiny and purpose, or does he just allow life to happen around him? A man who is not certain of his mission can be a most miserable person - and you'll be miserable too if you know where YOU want to go in life.

A man who has vision is not intimidated by a woman whose mission statement is clear. He will be your best ally, cheerleader and assistant because he wants you both to make it! A man who cannot be supportive of your achievements because he is floundering in a sea of uncertainty over his own life is not a healthy partner to have and to hold forever.

Creating dependencies or feelings of obligation is not the way to get the best out of your man. Somewhere along the way, he will resent you and flee from the smothering burden of obligation he associates you with. You want a man who is firmly anchored in his identity in Christ. Remember, you are looking for a man who will be priest and leader of his home. His first instinct should be to want to cover you, redeem you, and provide for you. Your job is to decide if this is the man God has ordained for you to complement.

9. Complimentary.
Do your talents and gifts complement his?
Do his gifts compliment yours? What about your temperaments?
Do you see the two of you as an effective team capable of bringing blessing to the lives of those around you?
Do your futures mesh?
Can you coordinate your gifts in an attractive and effective way?
This is why knowing your purpose is so important. Make sure your hearts beat for mutual causes. When I go shopping I always consider the fabric, the fit and what I already have in my closet. Will my next purchase be a complimentary addition to what I already have? If I find that I am going to have to buy shoes and matching accessories to go with a new outfit, I leave it right on the rack. It is too expensive a proposition. . If the man you meet makes you feel that you need to completely reinvent yourself, something is wrong.

This is where I ask you to consider the relationship in terms of cost. Is this relationship expensive spiritually, emotional or physically? Does your longing for a mate make you willing to forfeit who you are in the process? Or does he see you as the gift that you are? The man in your life should consider you a rare find, a priceless jewel-because of you he is getting ready to get blessed big-time! Any relationship that causes you to feel unworthy, unlovely, unacceptable, undesirable or that you have to work for love, is too expensive!

God has called the man to cover, protect and provide not only materially for a woman, but emotionally and spiritually as well. You should be richer in mind, body and spirit for your union with the man of your dreams. The man in your life should make rich deposits into your heart and spirit, not withdrawals.

10. Does he have a healthy love and acceptance of himself? Make sure the man in your life has taken time to heal from past relationships and has made peace with himself. How he cares for himself is how he will care for you. A man's relationship with God is crucial here.. His love for himself will only be as strong as his love for God. This is not something that you can impart. You cannot be his savior or teacher. That is out of spiritual order. In his rightful place as your personal priest, he should be leading you to a richer relationship with Christ.

If he is causing you to compromise your faith and destabilize your walk, if he is leading you into sexual sin or causing you to be distracted from your commitment to God, the relationship is too expensive. Offending the Lover of your soul, who promises you eternal love, is too high a fare to pay for a ride that has a limited run. If you and your man can't soar in the Spirit, when the force of your love for another is tested by the pull or gravity of the world, your union will not be able to survive.

So you decide. How much is your life worth? How much is your love worth? You will be able to accept only what you believe you deserve. God himself calculated the worth of your love and decided it was worth His life. He now pledges you His love for eternity. Yes, Jesus sets the example for all others to follow when He paid a ransom for His bride. Should you expect less from a mortal man? Throughout the Biblical age, men were willing to pay the cost for what they truly desired. The truth of the matter is, everyone knows that anything worth having, costs and no one gets a ride in this life for free.

$$ Women as the Breadwinner $$

"Whether their paycheck covers the household expenses or not, men today still carry the emotional and financial burden of the traditional role of breadwinner. Earning less than his wife affects a man's sense of his own masculinity." {Suze Orman, Women and Money, 2007, page 225}

Are there men out there that don't mind if their women make more money than them? Is it a power struggle? Women, do you not date men that earn less than you? How does it make you feel to earn more or less than your man?

Love is blind, but your neighbors aren't!

How do you overcome the negative external forces that try to derail and destroy your relationship? Everyone has their opinion, and most do not feel comfortable in their own skin until they tell you exactly how they feel about you and your significant other. Even if you are 100% sure that this is the person you want to be with, over time, the comments from your friends and family start to lessen this percentage. How do you continue believing in your relationship when everyone around you does not?