The "11th Man Theory" from the movie "What Love Is?" states the following: "say there is a woman in a room with 10 men, and all 10 men are telling her how beautiful she is, and how amazing she is and they are lighting her cigarette and buying her drinks and just treating her like gold. Then, all of a sudden, in walks the 11th man, he takes one look at her and says 'hey how ya doin'", turns his back on her and starts talking to his boys, THAT'S the guy she wants to be with, the 11th man, not any of the 10 men who were treating her well all night, but the one guy that couldn't care less, why? Because for some reason women don't want nice, they don't want real, they don't want to be treated well, I mean not at first and sometimes not ever, and I think that's crazy and I refuse to play that game .... get a girl by pretending that I don't like her. I wanna be with a woman who's real, who digs it when I'm nice to her, who doesn't see that as weakness or take me for granted when I tell her that I think she is more amazing than anything else in the entire world, but unfortunately most women aren't like that, they say they are, deep down inside they want to be, but ... they're not." Men play a similar game, as per the book "Why Men Love Bitches" but we will save that topic for another day.
So, why do women play this game (among others)? Why do most women not pay attention to a true prince charming or let go of a good man that is willing to literally lay down his life for them, and run after men who obviously do not want them? It's not normal to want to be treated badly or to accept bad treatment, so why are some of us masochists when it comes to relationships? Is it the challenging journey we are after, that in essence is more important than the inevitably, miserable destination? If a man is just not into you, why do you want him more? Why do we make life more complicated than it already is?
Some of my good looking female friends (fyi…all of the friends are good looking) state that most of the guys that would do anything to be with them are not the best looking men and that the good looking men believe they have more options so they try to keep their options open. Is it really only about looks? I guess if you are not physically attracted to someone, it does not matter how nice they are to you or how much they flower you with gifts and beautiful words, part of the relationship will always be incomplete (sexual attraction). After a semi-long courtship, a friend of mine got past the physical beauty of the person she is now in love with, but has commented on being scared their children may turn out ‘not-so-cute.’ I guess being with the not-so-attractive-good-guy, may have some repercussions. But should an unknown future (whether or not you will even be able to have children) be the determining factor when considering your present happiness?
Is it worthwhile chasing a physical connection that may eventually be lost (although Viagra and Libido enhancing solutions for women do exist), or is it better to be with someone because of their inner beauty and the magical way they treat you?
Sean Astin’s 11th man theory from "What Love Is"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMcBMCC9Q34
16 comments:
Wow! Deep Jack! That was Deep! It'sad but true! until we are hurt beyond belief we don't stop dealing with those men who hurt us!
Its true but more sad than not. Some women will even allow that same treatment to translate into their relationship. For example the guy that beats his girl or wife. Some women translate that into love. I dont understand it. The 11th man theory seems like we all go for the one that will challenge us. When it comes to abuse or mistreatment, thats when u give them the pease sign...
Dejame ver como empiezo. Well, I was sitting back, giving some thought to the 11th man theory and got to thinking about my past experiences. I realized that I've taken on the role of both the nice guy and the 11th guy in the past, inadvertently of course. You see, I pride myself in saying that I’m a nice guy, your modern day Prince Charming (hence my Principe Azul alias), and that no woman is going to kill my chivalrous manners.
Well in the first scenario I was sort of a dick to this one girl. I would tell her how much I liked her, but I couldn’t be 100% with her because I was into someone else. But it seemed that the more I told her that, the more interested she seemed. Don’t get me wrong I would give her attention, but I would often blow her off for someone else. That went on for a couple of months until she finally put the breaks on me, and said that she couldn’t take it anymore.
I’m not used to taking anyone on a rollercoaster ride like that, but I kept telling myself, as an excuse, that she was doing it to herself because I told her from the beginning how things were. Now I know that you ladies out there ain’t having that, and you don’t see that as an excuse. Later on I was honest with myself and realized it was a poor excuse on my behalf.
Now we go to the 2nd scenario, where I played the nice guy. I was with this girl in total for about 2 ½ years, almost 3 on and off. At around the first year, I realized that I was falling for her so I went into “nice guy mode.” My future plans in life now included her. I would think that the career I was going to get into had to support my mother, my siblings and her. Rounding the 2nd year, I would tell people that she was like my best friend, the girl that I’ve been looking for. I did anything and everything for this girl, and wanted nothing in return except for her love and affection.
But as is the ending to every nice guy’s story, she dropped me like a bad habit after almost 3 years. I’m not saying that being too nice to her is what did it, but I just don’t see what else it could have been. To be honest it seemed that the nicer I got, the less interested she seemed in the relationship.
I honestly don’t know what to make of all this. I am once again stumped because at this point I don’t even know how to go into my next relationship. Should I go in as the 11th man or the nice guy, which at the end of the day is who I really am?
Nice guys finish last...
They dont always finish last, sometimes things just turn out differently than expected. I must admit some women, dont take the "nice guy" seriously, and then it bites them in the ass, but you live & you learn.. Some of these comments are true, Liz your right we only learn when we cant take it anymore..But I know that every nice guy finds his queen one way or another..
Principe Azul, I believe you should be true to who you are inside; whomever that may be. Don't try to be someone you are not to charm someone who may not deserve you. Best of luck!
Those 10 guys are usually not as attractive as the 11th one, lol.
It's all about the happy medium. I'm looking for someone who will treat me well but won't let me get away with murder ;) Nice guys are usually too nice and the assholes will never change. We're all doomed.
Great post Yomaris!
I love nice guys, really I do. But in my experiences, I go towards guys who have a lot of personality. I crave an individual, one who stands up for what they think and can defend their own beliefs and ideals. Unfortunately those types end up being the ones who don't feel the need to give women too much praise or to go out of their way to get into a woman's good graces. The nice guy needs to have more than being nice going for him in order to get a woman, that's what I think anyway...
There's a corollary to the 11th Man Theory too:
Woman has 9 fucked up relationships, each one progressively worse or an extension of the one before. In her 10th, she meets that one dude who looks past all that and busts his ass to make things work.
She won't realize that until her 11th.
Maybe the problem lies in our overuse of phrases like "tend to" or "most guys" or any other thought process that involves creating "types."
Yes, human beings process info via compare/contrast, but we've also evolved to the point where we've created not-so-impossible ideals.
I'm not a religious cat, but damn if that tiny lil' "do unto others" admonition contains a universe-sized serving of wisdom.
Though I understand Emmanuel's M.O. above, for me, it's no act, no game. If I'm "into you," believe me, you'll know it. If I'm not, you'll know that too. Same for the myriad in-between scenarios that can develop between those two extremes.
Kristin nailed it, in my opinion.
(But you're not doomed, though! LOL! We're out here; we just don't make too much noise!)
haha thanks Carlito! You are very wise. :)
Serious Topic...
I believe it's more of what society has imposed on us as to what's the Trend, Fad, Fabulous ect.. Allot people have become so Shallow..
I'll say, WE'RE both "Men and Woman" confused as to what it is we really should hold dear and look up to.
Instead of what would be a Good Look for "Self".. Allot of us worry too much about what others see and perceive..
hmmmmm
...too true. Emanuel, I totally understand, "it seemed that the nicer I got, the less interested she seemed in the relationship." I think this is more with GIRLS than with women. The same way when we were boys we hated the girl we really liked! LOL LOL We grow out of it and eventually learn to kiss and caress her and make her toes curl...no more name calling or throwing things at her like in grade school (unless it's consentual of course) lol ... same thing...I think that the 11th man theory applies to girls. Women know what they want (most times). Nice guys finish last with lil girls, not with women. *I think*
I think you may be on to something James...
I am taking the approach of being myself next time around. I'm just a nice guy and I can't do anything about it. Gotta be myself. Thanks Jack! I also feel Carlito on the corollary to the 11th Man Theory. The poor girl has been fucked over so much that by the time the 10th guy comes around, she's got her guard up. The poor guy never had a chance. Then she sees his kindness as an act, so she moves on to the 11th guy in hopes of getting the real thing, but by the time she realizes she made a mistake with the 10th guy she's back on the ferris wheel. So I partially agree with Kristine's thought of all of us being doomed, but I would say we're just going through a rough ride rather than eternal damnation. lol! At the end of the day I know we'll all find that perfect someone, or as Yosely put it our "Queen" or King.
@ james re: women vs lil girls - WORRRRRD UP!!
@ emmanuel LMAO re: ferris wheel!!
WOW BY FAR THE BEST POST SO FAR JACK.... MANY DIFFERENT THOUGHTS AND VIEWS... I AGREE WITH SOME AND I DONT FEEL WE ARE DOOMED... I AGREE WITH ENMANUEL... ITS A ROUGH RIDE... JUST WEAR YOUR SEAT BELT AND HOLD ON... HOPEFULLY YOU'LL MAKE IT OUT ALIVE AND HAPPY AND WITH A FAITHFUL/HONEST/LOVING SIGNIFICANT OTHER!
GOOD LUCK TO YOU ALL!
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