Making a Baby

The Smiths were unable to conceive children
and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive,
Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said,
'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance,
a door-to-door baby photographer
happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed,
'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped.
Please come in and have a seat.

After a moment she asked, blushing,
'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me.
I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch,
and perhaps a couple on the bed.
And sometimes the living room floor is fun.
You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor?
No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee
a good one every time.
But if we try several different positions
and I shoot from six or seven angles,
I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time.
I'd love to be In and out in five minutes,
but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase
and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures.
'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well -
considering their mother was so difficult to work with.'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so.
I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep
to get a good look.'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith,
her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied.
'And for more than three hours, too.
The mother was constantly squealing and yelling -
I could hardly concentrate,
and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.
Finally, when the squirrels began to nibble on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward.
'You mean they actually chewed on your,
uh... equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes..
Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod
and we can get to work right away.'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'

Mrs. Smith fainted

Source: Unknown

You cannot force love.

There is something magical about love. It cannot be forced to leave, nor can you force it to appear. You can fall in love with someone that is completely wrong for you under societies definition of what makes a couple stand strong. Others are put together and while seeming like the perfect couple, cannot stand the test of time.

It's crazy, this love thing. How does it happen? How can the feelings produced by your heart sometimes trump what the mind thinks, what the mind knows will result in a better outcome? How can you look at someone for the first time and in the blink of an eye, realize that this person is who you want to spend the rest of your life with? Conversely, how can you be friends with someone for years and finally one day, it becomes apparent that you cannot live without this person by your side?

Sometimes women are attracted to the bad guys, the ones that may not treat them all that well. Some women try and try to make the relationship work when everyone outside of the relationship is telling them they should move on. How do women live with and love someone that is physically, mentally and/or emotionally abusive and when the opposite enters their lives, the one who wants to settle down and treat them like the queens they are, it's difficult or nearly impossible to let go of the person they were abused by?

How long are we willing to hold on to love?

El Malo
By Aventura


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Wp6au5Nah8

I wanna...

Settle Down
By Perez Hilton



"Is the sweetheart you married, the husband you expected him to be?"

Que Lloren

Que Lloren
By: Ivy Queen



Que lloren
Una mas
de la diva (diva)
Sentimiento (sentimiento)
Pa las mujeres pa (eyy)

Me dijeron que los hombre no deben llorar
Y que de amor no se mueren
eso no es verdad
Todos caen por amor
caen por una caricia
caeran por la pasion
o caen por la codicia

Asi es la vida
siempre se ama a lo q no se olvida
Se buscan la mujer prohibida
O se buscan una querida
Envidia
Asi es la vida
cuando le toca la mujer
llorar para luego perder
o amar a un hombre que es infiel
y ver
que del amor nadie te salvara
que por amor somos capas de matar
y que el amor abeces es ignorante
ahora que lloren
que les toca su parte

que lloren
lo que yo quiero es
que lloren
que admitan de sus errores
para q asi una los perdone
y lloren

Me dijeren que los hombre no deben llorar (no no no no no)
Y que de amor no se mueren
eso no es verdad
Todos caen por amor (caen por amor)
caen por una caricia (por una caricia)
Caeran por la pasion
o caen por la codicia
Porque es la ley del amor
el valorar tu mujer
y si tu no lo haces bien
sabe la vas a perder
muchas somos fuertes
y otras somos la miel
ponte otros zapatos cuando somos infiel

Asi es la vida
siempre se ama a lo que no se olvida
Se buscan la mujer prohibida
O se buscan una querida
Envidia

Asi es la vida
cuando le toca la mujer
llorar para luego perder
o amar a un hombre que es infiel
y ver...

Me dijeren que los hombres no deben llorar (no no no no no)
Y que de amor no se mueren
eso no es verdad
Todos caen por amor (caen por amor)
caen por una caricia (por una caricia)
Caeran por la pasion
o caen por la codicia

que lloren
lo que yo quiero es
que lloren
que admitan de sus errores
para q asi una los perdone
y lloren

que lloren
lo que yo quiero es
que lloren
que admitan de sus errores
para q asi una los perdone
y lloren

llorennn
diva eehh esto es sentimiento pa
ehh urba y monserrate los jeadais
dale duro papa
que lloren que lloren
dale duro papa huyy
que lloren

La Vida Es Así

La Vida Es Así
By: Ivy Queen



He recibido una llamada Me dijeron que te vieron
No quiero peros tampoco celos
Guarda tu escena no me des excusas pa
No voy a escuchar así que cálmala
Ya lo se todo me dijeron de ella
Me dijeron su vida En verdad me dan pena
Si tu te crees que con mis brazos
Cruzados yo me quedare

Me miro al espejo
Me peino y me maquillo
Un vestido corto sabes lo que te digo
Me montare en mi carro Por que se su dirección
Que aguante presión de este mujeron!!!

Hola!!! atrevida yo te traigo una noticia
Por eso es mi sonrisa Te la dare sin prisa
El hombre con quien sales Es mío y tú lo sabes!!
Pero aqui esta el detalle en la cama no vale...

Por eso vine a felicitarte
De lo que me libraste
Y tengo que confesarte
Mientras toman su tiempo
A alguien lo estoy viendo
Un hombre de verdad y no la basura que yo tengo

La vida es así
Si la sobras de otra te hace a ti feliz
Aquí esta el detalle
Yo te lo regalo por todo el sufrimiento
Y el dano que a causado

La vida es así
Ahora grito a viva voz que con alguien soy feliz
Alguien que me consiente
Me trata diferente me lleva de su mano
Me dice lo que siente

Para de esa escusas que yo tengo una grande
Callare la boca y coge lo que te toca
Lo Que se hace se tiene que pagar
No me distes mi lugar no tienes que regresar
Tengo alguien que me ama al fiiin.....

Yo tengo quien me toque a miii......
Alguien que me merece y que su amor me crece
Me hace sentir grande alguien que por mi rece
Alguien que me ama al fin.....
Yo tengo quien me toque a miii....
Aquí esta el detalle Si no cuidas lo tuyo
Otro llegara y la hará sentir suyo

No quiero peros tampoco celos (x4)
Así que cálmala (x4)

Ivy Queen
Hey keko music
La Reyna de este movimiento

Does Your Man Receive Too Much Facebook Love?

Once upon a time you were happy and “In a Relationship” on Facebook. And then . . . Wait for it . . . There it is: you started to notice how much attention his profile was receiving. Whether a flirtatious wall post, a compromising tagged photo, or you being exposed to his personal account—forms of seething jealousy were onward bound. And, as the story goes, it ripple waved into a dramatic showdown between you two. Your relationship status and emotional sentiments were eventually updated to “It’s Complicated. You two will surely break up in the near future. The End.

You aren’t the only one irked by your partner’s Facebook reception. Over 50% of surveyors admit to growing jealous and insecure in their relationship due to activity on Facebook. Perhaps this is because the entire Facebook experience is a hatchery for relational jealousy, ignited by a number of scenarios:

The Picture. A classic “Having the time of our lives” shot is added to his recent pictures: a party atmosphere gleaming with Jack-o-lantern smiles, sweat studded foreheads, and toasts to the photographer. L’chayim. He has that stretched goofy grin painted on his face, the one you know from personal experience, the one that only creeps out during the best of times. He’s happy, his boys are happy, but that chick—the one clutched to him in partial embrace—she’s extra happy and you sense something in her smile and eyes begging for full coverage.

Common Response: A lingering stare followed by a customary inquiry, “Who the F*@! Is she?” A neurotic brainstorm ensues as you scan through his pictures, rampage his friend list, and attempt to solve the mystery of the friendly female friend.

The Wall. A female you don’t recognize leaves “Thank you!” on his wall. Slightly invasive, but you can’t help but wonder what her thankfulness stems from. You don’t have access to her profile to pry as freely as you’d wish so you’re left idle, sitting behind your computer with nothing but pushy presumptuous thoughts. It could be innocent—maybe he wished her well on her birthday and she was thankful. Or maybe not so innocent—he complimented a picture of her clad in a little bit more than a birthday suit and, yes, she was thankful.

Common Response: You’re going to ask him about it or silently obsess about it. Either way, it has formed an impressionable wrinkle in your brain.

The Status. It’s a day when he’s clearly feeling himself, and his FB status proclaims it with ringing bells. His self-boast cries for attention: his 6 pack is upgrading to an 8; his promo at work is signed, sealed, and delivered; or he identifies with a particular Jay-Z quote that beats its chest with bravado. On cue, a stream of applause follows his update with congratulatory praise and a slew of “Like” clicks. Traditionally, some girl goes IN and leaves a comment that is the real world equivalent of a set of shimmying pom-poms and a high kick. He responds coyly and she serves again, this time with greater force. The volley continues, and, sure enough, a “wink” emoticon or inside joke is sure to surface any moment now . . . Wait for it . . . There it is.

Common Response: Disgust, lathered in suds of annoyance that will surely manifest indirectly in your future correspondence with him, a.k.a. “You will act the F*@! Up!”

The Poke List. It was accidental (or a keenly executed maneuver), but you snagged a glimpse of his poke list. A long list of blue highlighted names exposes a network of flirtatious admirers who wouldn’t mind a poke or prod from yours truly. While there is no obvious rationale behind your feelings of betrayal—they still stir.

Common Response: Irrationalized drama milli-steps away from BEEF.

Relationship Status. It’s no secret—in the real world you guys are an item. However, in the online sphere you’re unattached because he doesn’t want to write who he’s in a relationship with, or he chooses to exclude the relationship tab all together. It’s not that you necessarily need the online community to know that you two are chain-linked together; however, his opposition is undeniably sketchy.

Common Response: Drama.

Why Does Facebook Summon So Many Jealous Feelings?

Facebook is helium to the relationships on it; they’re susceptible to being gassed up and burst. By design, it’s voyeuristically invasive and encourages its participants to believe that their minor activities are monumental. Where else does declaring a night out with the girls solicit public commentary and is worthy of publication in a News Feed accessible to a 3rd of the world’s population? A matter of fact: Facebook does such an awesome job at mustering up sensationalism that people begin to view themselves and other people by their profile; our real life selves seem to fall short when measured up against the height of approval received by our online selves.

It is no wonder that all of the “love” that his profile lassos strikes so many nerves in you: it is marketed as big packages, and, naturally, you regard these packages as big deliveries. However, know better. Just because Facebook wants to act like the anti-Cupid, doesn’t mean you two have to be casualties of love. Successfully step above the neurotic jealousy trip that Facebook specializes in provoking.

Unless, that is, you’re just a jealous person. In which case, you should disregard this entire article.

Monday Aug 16, 2010 – By Guerdley Cajus
Source: Clutch Mag Online

How to keep your man from cheating...

This video is hysterical!!
How to keep your man from cheating

Female Orgasm Tips

Experience ''OMG, Yes!'' Pleasure Tonight

1. Do It Before Sundown
Most of us get it on before bed, but that isn't the best time for women to have sex, says Laurie Mintz, PhD, author of A Tired Woman's Guide to Passionate Sex. Not only are you sleepy, but postwork worries cause your body to release the hormone cortisol, squashing your sex drive. In the a.m., women and men have naturally higher testosterone levels (which explains his morning wood). So set your alarm to go off earlier, and give him a sexy wake-up call.

2. Treat Him Like a Sex Object
"Women spend too much energy worrying about turning a guy on," says Joel Block, PhD, coauthor of Sex Comes First. To enjoy sex more, be selfish. Ogle your guy as if he were Taylor Lautner in Eclipse. By assuming the role of the "viewer" and focusing on your desire, you're less likely to be self-conscious and more willing to do whatever comes to your dirty mind.

3. Let It All Hang Out
Do you suck in your tummy when you're on top? Bad idea. That makes it harder to breathe deeply, which is a key to orgasm, says certified sexuality educator Amy Levine. Instead, try the tantric trick of slowing your breathing and taking deeper breaths. The extra oxygen will make your orgasm more intense by increasing blood flow below the belt.

4. Lock Eyes
You look everywhere but his eyes during the deed because it makes you feel vulnerable, says Block, but it's one of the best ways you can connect when naked. It sends the message that you're really into him and keeps your arousal high because your guy is mirroring his desire back at you. Ease into it by meeting his gaze for a few seconds and giving a sexy smile, then build up to longer eye contact.

5. Make Some Noise
Moaning, heavy breathing, and sighing during sex ups arousal by stimulating your central nervous system, says Mintz. Plus, if you don't speak up, he'll have a harder time figuring out what you like. Saying something like "Slow down — this feels incredible" is a positive way to get your message across, she says.

6. Insist on an O
You're so close, you can practically taste it, and then…he finishes first. Don't call it a night: "Make it clear that your needs are just as important," says Mintz. If you don't, it's easy to build up resentment (even if you're not aware of it), which can strain your relationship. Focus on your orgasm first, or if that doesn't work, brush your lips against his ear and purr "I want you to help me finish." Then hand him your vibrator.

Source: Cosmo

Marriage Proposals that went Awry

Imagine losing your engagement ring before even being able to say I DO?!

Because I

...Love The Way You Lie
By: Eminem - ft. Rihanna