The Beauty of Birth & A Mother's Love

A couple of days ago, my family was blessed with the birth of a healthy baby boy; my sister had her second child. As with the birth of my sister’s daughter, my mother was in the room coaching her valiant daughter through the entire process. She would not leave her side and made sure my sister was safe and that her child would come into this world safely as well. My mother later told me about the tears of joy that streamed from my sisters eyes when she finally saw the little angel she molded inside of her. The rush of various emotions my sister must have felt; only a mother can experience. The looks she gave her new born son will continue for her lifetime, as only a mother can give. The love she will have for him from now until eternity, only a mother express. May God bless her and her children with all of the love, joy, success, health and prosperity, this world has to offer.

It amazes me how much pain and suffering a woman can endure throughout the gestation period, yet when she finally holds her baby up high, only happiness she conveys. No matter how many times a child yells at his/her mother, does not listen to her wise counsel, or mistreats her in any way, a good mother continues to care for, love and support the creature she held in her womb for restless months on end. The love a mother has for her child, no one will ever experience unless they too are blessed with a child.

How could we ever repay our mothers for the hard work they have and continue to put forth? How could we show appreciation, love and gratitude and humble ourselves when our mothers speak to us...even if we think they are incorrect? We should know that they will be right in the long-run! Why do we only dedicate one special day to Mothers when they are such important people in EVERYONE'S lives?

I wish I could thoroughly express the love and affection I have in my heart, mind, and soul, for my mother. Tears rush down my face as I write this thinking about the times I have mistreated her, knowing that she is truly the most important person in my life, and that she deserves nothing but the best. I hope and trust that when I am ready to have my children, my mother will be by my side, coaching me, guiding me, sheltering me with her magical wings from all harm. She has been a blessing to me my entire life thus far, has made me who I am today and will continue impacting the person I am destined to become. There are simply no words that can express what I feel inside for this woman that only wants the absolute best for my siblings and me. I love my mother with all my heart and soul and I hope and trust that I can one day express the same love she has for me, to my children.

My mother is amazing.
My mother is a fighter.
My mother is intelligent.
She is generous and kind.
She is strong.
She is wise.
She is beautiful beyond measure.

Thank you mom for making me who I am.
Thank you mommy for putting up with my nonsense, my arguments, my stubbornness and attitude.
Thank you mama for believing in me and for helping me prepare for the future.
Thank you mamita for taking me out of some tight spots even though you warned me about getting into them in the first place.
Thank you my Creator, my Queen, my All, for everything that was, is and ever will be part of my life as you have made it all possible.
I love you now and forever.

Boyz II Men - A Song For Mama
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7W75O-x2C3s

Kanye West: "Hey Mama"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lf0Xx4TMxCM

To be or not to be…Normal?

What is normal or not normal in relationships? What is acceptable or not acceptable in relationships?

(1) Is it normal for you to start hating the quirky traits you fell in love with in your partner?
(2) Is it normal to go for more than one month without sex if you are in a relationship?
(3) Is it normal for a guy to treat you like a girlfriend, but not call you his girlfriend?
(4) Is it normal to flirt with other people? When your partner’s not around? What about when your partner is around?
(5) Is it normal to discuss your sex life with friends?
(6) Is it normal to experiment in the bedroom?
(7) Is it normal to cheat?
(8) Is it normal for men to cry?
(9) Is it normal for you or your partner to talk on the phone to people of the opposite sex (or the same sex if you are homosexual) late at night after you have hung up the phone with your significant other?
(10) Is it normal to fantasize about other people when you are with your partner (whether it is past lovers, people you may be attracted to, celebrities, etc.)?
(11) Is it normal to fool around with your wife/husband in front of your children? What is the cut off age?
(12) Is it normal for you to fall for your Ex’s family member, friend, acquaintance, business partner, etc.?
(13) Is it normal to flirt with your good friends Ex?
(14) Is it normal for you to stay in contact with an Ex while you are in a new relationship? Or should you cut off all communication with your Ex’s when you start a new relationship?
(15) Is it normal to date a co-worker?

Inspired by: http://www.mandjshow.com/videos/relationship-101-is-it-normal/

Giving IT up.

How was it your first time? Looking back, would you have ever changed the person you “gave it up” to? The place? The timing?

Anonymous comments are welcome!!

We all need a hug

A study at the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill found that hugging and holding hands with your spouse produces stress-reducing chemicals powerful enough to lower blood pressure. Women benefit more than men - in part because closeness triggers the release of oxytocin, the same stress-busting chemical mothers produce while breastfeeding. (Higher levels of oxytocin have also been linked to lower breast-cancer rates.) Depending on how crazed life is in your home, you may need more of those warm-and-fuzzy moments than your husband, So don't hesitate to tell him, "I need a hug--now!"

Family Circle Magazine, February 2009 Issue, Page 68

The Good Old Days…?

‘They just don't make them how they used to’... ‘Back in my day’... ‘The good old days’...

Timeless expressions, words, idioms that help describe how the quality of material things and life experiences used to be and how it has may have sadly diminished over time. My mother recently remodeled a kitchen and part of a bathroom in her home that was constructed centuries ago. While shopping for the replacement items (cabinets, sinks, refrigerator, etc.), she was disappointed at the low quality and craftsmanship of the new cabinets and bathroom sink. It sure won't last the near decade the old items lasted, but it sure looks much better! Walking down the street this morning, I couldn't help but notice a car that seems to have recently been in an accident. The bumper was torn up! But that may be due to the fact that it was probably made out of plastic!! Cars do not nearly resemble the Cadillacs that used to turn heads some years ago.

Over time, men and women have changed as well. It seems like we are not made up from the same, strong fabric we used to be made from. Subsequently, our relationships are negatively affected and sure do not last as long as they used to. For instance, my mother still keeps in touch with her High School friends. I, on the hand, graduated High School less than 10 years ago and even though we are in a booming technology age and everyone has a facebook/myspace accounts, I have lost tough with my closest "friends." I know a man that was married for 50 years to his High School sweetheart!! He and his deceased wife really took "til death do us part" literally, as it was only due to her unfortunate passing that they are no longer together. Now-a-days, people say if a marriage lasts more than the first two years, they are on the right track. Are we for real?! Why have times changed so much?

In life, many trends recur. The Circle of Life brought back vintage clothing such as bell bottoms, platform shoes and puffy hair, which will inevitably be fashionable at least one more time in my lifetime. Could the Circle of Life bring back a time where human interaction and deep, heartfelt relationships were meaningful and everlasting? Could the quality of our marriages be built on solid ground and or with materials that last centuries, like my mother's ancient sixty pound porcelain sink? Have we evolved so much, that blatant cheating, lies, divorce and fleeting affairs are here to stay? Have we lost the original definitely of true, genuine love? Will we ever be, like the singer Chrisette Michele eloquently expresses in her song “Golden” (below), ready for a time when commitment was golden?

"Golden" by Chrisette Michele


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24uhpIPsKnY

Hindsight is 20/20

Every so often I see the same old gentleman on my bus ride home. He is very cordial and always asks me how my family and I are doing. Today I asked him how his New Years Eve went and how his family was doing. He told me that everyone was doing well, yet his response was melancholy. I proceeded to ask him if he had any children and he said that, regretfully, he did not have any. The next two-minute conversation made me want to write about his story. He told me that when he was a young man he was quite handsome and had all kinds of women flocking him. He was a bit of a player! I did not doubt him because he is a good-looking older man. One day he did meet a young lady, which he dated for a while, but something inside of him said he could find someone even more perfect than she was. As they say, hindsight is 20/20 because he admitted to being a fool for letting her go. He messed around a lot after that and broke many hearts. One day, his lifestyle caught up to him and by 'mistake' he got a young girl pregnant. To save himself the embarrassment of having to tell their families about this life change, they decided that she should get an abortion. The last thing he said before my bus stop was that he believes he will forever pay for having done that. “Feliz Ano Nuevo y buenas noches” he said as his bright smile filled the bus and he shook my hand adios. It’s a somewhat depressing love story because he now has to live the rest of his life regretting the love he lost. He may sadly reach the end of his fourth quarter without having someone by his side; someone to love, cherish, hold and experience life with until death do they part. Why do we think we could always do better than what we have in front of us? I guess it's partly because it is nice to dream. Unfortunately, we will not know what the best route would have been until we actually travel the road. As they say, hindsight is 20/20.

I'll Never Love Again by Taio Cruz



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6h_COReXY1Y

What is Love?

"Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not rejoice in evils but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

Down Low Men

I just finished watching “Cover,” a (highly recommended) movie about men that live heterosexual lives, but secretly have sex with other men. They are called Down Low (DL) men and lead lives full of deceit, lies, manipulation and secrecy. A trailer for a movie called “Invisible” with the same premise as “Cover,” states that “women, mostly African American women, don’t know these men’s secrets” and that “70% of these women have contracted HIV or are dying of AIDS.” This phenomenon has been going on for decades, but in today’s metro-sexual society, where men take more care of themselves (clothing, hair, nails, etc.), it is a growing concern for women every single day. What would you do if you found out that your partner, lover, husband, the person you trust your life with (I am assuming most married couples have unprotected sex), could possibly be hiding such a life-threatening secret?

For women, it is bad enough to find out that their man is cheating on them with another woman, but how does someone deal with finding out that their man has or still engages in sexual acts with another man?!?! At least if a man is cheating with another women, his wife could work on improving the different aspects of herself he is seeking elsewhere (dress nicer, go to the gym, not work late hours, etc.), but what if what he truly wants is another man? In this case, there is nothing a woman can do to make the man she loves want to be (solely) with her.

This epidemic is growing so fast that research is being done, books are being written and movies are being filmed about DL men (http://www.top10signs.net/). “Today, while there are black men who are openly gay, it seems that the majority of those having sex with men still lead secret lives, products of a black culture that deems masculinity and fatherhood as a black man's primary responsibility -- and homosexuality as a white man's perversion” [1]. This is why most DL men do not “come out of the closet” and therefore lead seemingly “normal” lives as businessmen, athletes and rappers with girlfriends or wives and/or children. They meet other DL men on the Internet (i.e., DLThugs, and even Craigslist!!), in bathhouses or parks and engage in aggressive flirting until they “hook up.” But, the interesting thing is that they do not believe they are gay!! Most of these men engage in unprotected sex (“stopping to put on a condom forces guys on the DL to acknowledge, on some level, that they're having sex with men” [1]), contract diseases (including HIV/AIDS) and then spread the diseases to their unsuspecting wives.

I have nothing against people living openly homosexual, bisexual, transgendered lives, in fact, I embrace people’s differences. My motto: “Do you!” I do, however, have a problem with lies. A man living a double life and putting his partner’s life in danger is not fair and should not be tolerated. These issues need to be discussed at the forefront of relationships now-a-days and I do not think men should be bothered by women asking them if they are gay/bisexual. In our society, WE ARE ALL at risk and we should keep discourse flowing about all kinds of relationship topics, including this one…BEFORE more people get hurt. Emil Wilbekin, the black and openly gay editor in chief of Vibe magazine, has little patience for men on the DL. “To me, it's a dangerous cop-out,” he says. “I get that it's sexy. I get that it's hot to see some big burly hip-hop kid who looks straight but sleeps with guys, but the bottom line is that it's dishonest. I think you have to love who you are, you have to have respect for yourself and others, and to me most men on the DL have none of those qualities. There's nothing 'sexy' about getting H.I.V., or giving it to your male and female lovers. That's not what being a real black man is about.”


Here is a Poem I found on the Internet…
MEN ON THE DOWN LOW [2]

Some of you won't admit it but you know it is true.
A lot of you have men who are creeping out on you.

Living with their secrets being with other men.
Leaving home to do their thing, then it is home again.

Some men living in denial at home with their wife.
Other men released from jail, can't let go of prison life.

Women with somehow no idea reality.
So glad to have a man to fill that empty space.

I had a friend like that in that state of mind.
She was with a man with secrets ooh that man was fine.

It wasn't until she got sick with HIV then death.
She had to face the demons that this lying man had left.

Being alone I know is hard it can leave you feeling blue.
But dying alone is even harder because a man who lied to you.



Trailer for “Invisible”


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1DIe93AJ-ho

IMDb page for “Cover”
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0765460/

Down Low Men - Real Talk


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0TaTVkSJe84

http://www.goaskalice.com/ is an Online Columbia University question/answer forum with a similar topic: http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/1367.html

Resources: [1] http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?sec=health&res=9F0CE0D61E3FF930A3575BC0A9659C8B63 [2] http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/83470/men_on_the_down_low_men_with_men_women.html?cat=10

Corporate America versus Relationships

Your Nine to Five is usually Nine to Eight by the time you walk through your front door. After a long, hard day at work, you arrive tired, hungry, stressed and annoyed, to say the least. Unfortunately, you take out your frustrations on your dog, the kid(s) and/or your significant other. You barely have time to go to the bathroom, let along cook/eat a decent meal when you get home. Sometimes it's easier to just grab a bite at work, or schedule dinner meetings with co-workers or clients. You log in from home on the evening, work most weekends and the carpel tunnel syndrome from your crackberry is killing you! Sadly enough, quality time with family and friends has gone out the door...right along with your relationship.

In the beginning of your relationship, you were all about the emotional connection with your partner. However, after your partnership grew with your firm and your career (a promotion, salary increase, greater responsibilities, etc.), the connection to your other half was lost. Why is that? What is it that we always want more? Why do we let money, jobs, fame, responsibility mold us into emotionless creatures of habit? Why do we hate, yet love the infamous "rat race" of waking up, commuting to work, busting our butts to earn a dime, to leave work and arrive at an empty home and not have anyone to share our lives, earnings and experiences with, to then do it again the next day?

What is "work-life balance" and does it truly exist? I'll give you my brief definition: it's a load of BS that every HR person on the planet is trained to tout. It is working as much as you can for a company you will most likely never own, to live a (balanced), lonely life. The “balanced” part comes in because you are in fact getting paid and have some vacation and personal days to help keep you sane. Ha! What a life?! Is it possible to work in a high-pressured corporate job and have a NORMAL family life, where children’s baseball games, PTA meetings and unscheduled sexy times with the love of your life all co-exist? An incredible movie that shows how Corporate America can break marriages apart is "Man About Town." Ben Afflick plays a high-powered Hollywood Talent Agent that focuses more on his career than on his wife and then pays a pretty penny for it. Will we all eventually contribute to the rising divorce rate because our main concern is making money?!

Happy New Year!!

Thank you to all of my avid Blog readers for your time and attention. Every year we are given an opportunity to turn the page to a new year, a new chapter, start over if you will. Take advantage of this and make this New Year even better than the last! I hope 2009 brings you all of what your hearts desire. May your relationships be filled with happiness, trust, communication, and unconditional love!