"How do you bounce back when reality batters your belief system and love does not, as promised, conquer all? Is hope a drug we need to go off of, or is it keeping us alive? What’s the harm in believing?"
(~Carrie Bradshaw, Sex & The City, Season 5, Episode 68) "Unoriginal Sin"
This episode like many others in this series covered some tough, but relevant relationship issues. With all of the self help, positive affirmation and optimism tooting books, videos and seminars out there, why is it still so difficult for some people to live in the now and keep the hope alive for a better future? How and why do we continue to endure emotional strife on roller coaster relationships without going insane? In the past week I have heard of people a couple of individuals that were married 2-3 times and decided they did not want to try again. After a couple of failed relationships, do you just become immune…scared…numb…hopeless?
In a previous episode, Samantha catches her love interest, Richard, cheating on her. While in the act, he tells Samantha “it’s just sex, I love you. He blamed his actions on being scared of falling too deep. Have you ever been cheated on (that you know about)? Did you or would you ever be able to forgive someone who has broken your heart this way?
When you believe so deeply in a relationship and it ends up breaking your heart, how do you pick up the pieces and keep it moving?
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Anchors Away
"Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe, you have to let go of who you were, to become who you will be." (~CB, S&TC, Season 5, Episode 67) "Anchors Away"
Destiny
"Is it all pre-destined? Can you make a mistake and miss your fate? Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course, we wouldn't fall in love or be who we are. After all, seasons change people come into your life and people go, but it's comforting to know, the ones you love are always in your ♥ "
(~Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and The City, Season 4, Episode 66)
(~Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and The City, Season 4, Episode 66)
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
"This Type Love" by Shihan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c5WgmbMW7Ek
I want a love like
Me thinking of you
Thinking of me thinking of you type love
Or me telling my friends more than I’ve ever admitted to myself
About how I feel about you type love
Or hating how jealous you are
But loving how much you want me all to yourself type love
Or see how your first name just sound so good next to my last name
And shit I wanted to see how far I could get without calling you
And I barely made it out of my garage
See, I want a love that makes me wait until she falls asleep
And wonder if she’s dreaming about us being in love type love
Or who loves the other more
Or what she’s doing this exact moment
Or slow dancing in the middle of our apartment to the music of our hearts
Closing my eyes and imagining how a love so good
Could hurt so much when she’s not there
And shit I love not knowing where this love is headed type love
And check this, I want to place those little post-it notes
All around the how she she never forgets how much I love her type love
And not have enough ink in my pen to write all there is to love about her type love
And hope I make her feel as good as she makes me feel
And I want to deal with my friends making fun of me
The way I made fun of them when they went through the same kind of love type love
Only difference is, this is one of those real love type loves
And just like in high school
I want to spend hours on the phone not saying shit
And then fall asleep and then wake up with her right next to me
And smell her all up in my covers type love
I want to try counting the ways I love her
And lose count in the middle just so I have to start all over again
And I want to celebrate one of those one month anniversaries
Even though they ain’t really anniversaries
But doing it just ‘cause it make her happy type love
And, check this, I want to fall in love with the melody the phone plays
When none of us dialed into it type love
And talk to you until I lose my breathe
She leaves me breathless
But with the expanding of my lungs I inhale all of her back into me
I want a love that makes me need to change my cell phone calling plan
To something allows me to talk to her longer
‘cause in all honesty, I want to avoid one of them high cell phone bill type loves
And I want a love that makes me regret how small my hands are
I mean the lines on my palms don’t give me enough time
To love you as long as I’d like to type love
And I want a love that makes me st-st-st-st-stutter
Just thinking about how strong this love is type love
And I want a love that makes me want to cut off all my hair
Well, maybe not all of the hair
Maybe like I cut the split ends and trim my moustache
But it would still be a symbol of how strong my love for her
And check this, I kind of feel comfortable now
So I even be fantasizing about walking out on a green light
Just dying to get hit by a car
Just so I could lose my memory
Get transported to some third world country just to get treated
Then somehow meet up again with you so I can fall in love with you
In a different language and see if it still feels the same type love
I want a love that’s as unexplainable as she is
But I’m married, so she’s gonna be the one I share this love with
And Eat It Too...
By: Kyle A. Turner
E-mail: MisterTurner@gmail.com
Website: http://esteemed.blogspot.com
"I see her everyday
But it really shouldn't be a surprise
Still when she sits down
And she almost caught me looking
So I turn away
Trying not to stare
While the woman in my dreams
I still see her from this morning
Where there was an unmade bed
And the room smelled of love and sleep
But like a mystery she's here
In my thoughts
Intruding, welcome
While my baby like infant
But a lot older
Sits in her crib in my mind
Fighting for time
In the DMV line
But the one in my mind
Not where you sign the dotted line
For the privilege to hear transmission grind
And peel from the curb like orange rind
Where it sits on the pavement
But wheels don't spin enough to move me
Not far enough away
Like the last song I play
She stays in my head for the rest of the day
While the angel prepares a feast
Adding in special ingredients
Love and trust
I want it
But I want some of the other confection
As I watch a mocha colored drop of perfection
She offers me the fork for a taste
And the baker of my heart
Stands waiting for my chair
Sits playing with her hair
Her cake was always the most rare
With a cocoa center
Vanilla smile
The sweetest frosting in the middle
And I could never help dipping my finger in first
Before I dove in to get a mouthful
Of that chocolate middle
I take the fork
But not before I hear my stomach growl from within
And the artist of my soul's oven
Still stands with her back turned
Un knowing of the temptation in my vision
And why would I tell her
I still want it crave it
From her
For me
But if I want conflict
Can't sleep
And it's tough because
IN the end all I see is you
But she comes over too
And it wouldn't have mattered
Not what I did or said
When you let your cake burn
It never tastes the same
And she felt just that
And that's when resentment came
And the quality would suffer
And yes I noticed the change
Even preoccupied with another
Because my hearts in her kitchen
But a couple of levels down
She sat there too
And the path to the man's love muscle
Is paved with the food she makes
But that doesn't account for mistakes
And I can't help wanting both cakes
And if you think me greedy
Not obese in stature
Just in appetite
And I'm fully aware of the opposite of right
So I let her walk away
And tasted what I wanted anyway
Will you think me stupid
If I turn my back
On what's in front
For what's on the other side of temptation's door
I won't blame you
Because the plate is now bare
The kitchen is empty
And cold from when she turned off the oven
I retrace my steps
And so with regret
I put the fork down
And try my hardest to forget..."
E-mail: MisterTurner@gmail.com
Website: http://esteemed.blogspot.com
"I see her everyday
But it really shouldn't be a surprise
Still when she sits down
And she almost caught me looking
So I turn away
Trying not to stare
While the woman in my dreams
I still see her from this morning
Where there was an unmade bed
And the room smelled of love and sleep
But like a mystery she's here
In my thoughts
Intruding, welcome
While my baby like infant
But a lot older
Sits in her crib in my mind
Fighting for time
In the DMV line
But the one in my mind
Not where you sign the dotted line
For the privilege to hear transmission grind
And peel from the curb like orange rind
Where it sits on the pavement
But wheels don't spin enough to move me
Not far enough away
Like the last song I play
She stays in my head for the rest of the day
While the angel prepares a feast
Adding in special ingredients
Love and trust
I want it
But I want some of the other confection
As I watch a mocha colored drop of perfection
She offers me the fork for a taste
And the baker of my heart
Stands waiting for my chair
Sits playing with her hair
Her cake was always the most rare
With a cocoa center
Vanilla smile
The sweetest frosting in the middle
And I could never help dipping my finger in first
Before I dove in to get a mouthful
Of that chocolate middle
I take the fork
But not before I hear my stomach growl from within
And the artist of my soul's oven
Still stands with her back turned
Un knowing of the temptation in my vision
And why would I tell her
I still want it crave it
From her
For me
But if I want conflict
Can't sleep
And it's tough because
IN the end all I see is you
But she comes over too
And it wouldn't have mattered
Not what I did or said
When you let your cake burn
It never tastes the same
And she felt just that
And that's when resentment came
And the quality would suffer
And yes I noticed the change
Even preoccupied with another
Because my hearts in her kitchen
But a couple of levels down
She sat there too
And the path to the man's love muscle
Is paved with the food she makes
But that doesn't account for mistakes
And I can't help wanting both cakes
And if you think me greedy
Not obese in stature
Just in appetite
And I'm fully aware of the opposite of right
So I let her walk away
And tasted what I wanted anyway
Will you think me stupid
If I turn my back
On what's in front
For what's on the other side of temptation's door
I won't blame you
Because the plate is now bare
The kitchen is empty
And cold from when she turned off the oven
I retrace my steps
And so with regret
I put the fork down
And try my hardest to forget..."
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
In love? It's not enough to keep a marriage, study finds
SYDNEY (Reuters Life!) – Living happily ever after needn't only be for fairy tales. Australian researchers have identified what it takes to keep a couple together, and it's a lot more than just being in love.
A couple's age, previous relationships and even whether they smoke or not are factors that influence whether their marriage is going to last, according to a study by researchers from the Australian National University.
The study, entitled "What's Love Got to Do With It," tracked nearly 2,500 couples -- married or living together -- from 2001 to 2007 to identify factors associated with those who remained together compared with those who divorced or separated.
It found that a husband who is nine or more years older than his wife is twice as likely to get divorced, as are husbands who get married before they turn 25.
Children also influence the longevity of a marriage or relationship, with one-fifth of couples who have kids before marriage -- either from a previous relationship or in the same relationship -- having separated compared to just nine percent of couples without children born before marriage.
Women who want children much more than their partners are also more likely to get a divorce.
A couple's parents also have a role to play in their own relationship, with the study showing some 16 percent of men and women whose parents ever separated or divorced experienced marital separation themselves compared to 10 percent for those whose parents did not separate.
Also, partners who are on their second or third marriage are 90 percent more likely to separate than spouses who are both in their first marriage.
Not surprisingly, money also plays a role, with up to 16 percent of respondents who indicated they were poor or where the husband -- not the wife -- was unemployed saying they had separated, compared with only nine percent of couples with healthy finances.
And couples where one partner, and not the other, smokes are also more likely to have a relationship that ends in failure.
Factors found to not significantly affect separation risk included the number and age of children born to a married couple, the wife's employment status and the number of years the couple had been employed.
The study was jointly written by Dr Rebecca Kippen and Professor Bruce Chapman from The Australian National University, and Dr Peng Yu from the Department of Families, Housing, Community Services and Indigenous Affairs.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090714/lf_nm_life/us_couples
A couple's age, previous relationships and even whether they smoke or not are factors that influence whether their marriage is going to last, according to a study by researchers from the Australian National University.
The study, entitled "What's Love Got to Do With It," tracked nearly 2,500 couples -- married or living together -- from 2001 to 2007 to identify factors associated with those who remained together compared with those who divorced or separated.
It found that a husband who is nine or more years older than his wife is twice as likely to get divorced, as are husbands who get married before they turn 25.
Children also influence the longevity of a marriage or relationship, with one-fifth of couples who have kids before marriage -- either from a previous relationship or in the same relationship -- having separated compared to just nine percent of couples without children born before marriage.
Women who want children much more than their partners are also more likely to get a divorce.
A couple's parents also have a role to play in their own relationship, with the study showing some 16 percent of men and women whose parents ever separated or divorced experienced marital separation themselves compared to 10 percent for those whose parents did not separate.
Also, partners who are on their second or third marriage are 90 percent more likely to separate than spouses who are both in their first marriage.
Not surprisingly, money also plays a role, with up to 16 percent of respondents who indicated they were poor or where the husband -- not the wife -- was unemployed saying they had separated, compared with only nine percent of couples with healthy finances.
And couples where one partner, and not the other, smokes are also more likely to have a relationship that ends in failure.
Factors found to not significantly affect separation risk included the number and age of children born to a married couple, the wife's employment status and the number of years the couple had been employed.
The study was jointly written by Dr Rebecca Kippen and Professor Bruce Chapman from The Australian National University, and Dr Peng Yu from the Department of Families, Housing, Community Services and Indigenous Affairs.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090714/lf_nm_life/us_couples
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Do Cultural Differences Affect Intimate Relationships?
In this melting pot of a world we live in, I find it important to embrace people of different cultures, backgrounds, family upbringing, etc. In order to be a well rounded person in this increasingly globalized society, we must understand that cultural distinctions make this world a better place. I love diverse languages, music, dance styles, healing methods, clothing and everything that comes with being raised by parents that were born outside of the United States. For my age, I feel like I have traveled a good deal around the world, I have lived in three different countries, I speak three languages (studied a fourth at my University), and I greatly enjoy the learning about other cultures. When thinking about a future husband though, I always wonder what it would be like raising a family with someone that is not Dominican.
In speaking to a Latina friend of mine, this question (among many) came up: how do cultural differences affect your intimate relationships? She is dating a Latino from a different cultural upbringing and, the distinctions are vast, to say the least. Even though Spanish is their native tongue, the dialects are completely different and surprisingly, a slight language barrier exists. Foods, music, (we won't get into religious beliefs...stay tuned as that will be another posting), and family relations, among other important aspects are different, but could the differences cause turmoil in their home when building a life together?
Many children now-a-days can't really identify what their race is and I've actually heard little kids call themselves “Mutts”. Some children raised in households where the parents speak two different languages either only learn one language or they learn both, half-heartedly that is (i.e., Spanglish). Are we causing these children a disservice by confusing them about what language to speak, Holiday to celebrate, food to eat, and/or culture to appreciate? Or are we, in fact, expanding their horizon?
How successful are relationships where the partners grew up in an essentially different world? Is it just easier to be part of a relationship where you 'blend in'? When there is a family function for 2 people with different races, does everyone generally mix or is it more common to see the room divided (and I mean before the drinks)? Would you prefer to be with someone of your own ethnic upbringing or does it not matter to you? Why?
With more and more children being born into multi-racial families, is this world going to inevitably become Caramel? On questionnaires that ask you to list your race, will we soon see a little box to check off next to the words "I don't really know" or "Too may to List"? Or are these questionnaires going to have to entirely do away with the question of Race? When looking at the grand scheme of things, it's obviously not impossible as there are many successful, beautiful, multi-racial families. However, is it just one additional factor to consider and possibly an unnecessary stress to an already stress-filled relationship?
thoughts?
trying to bring some spice in your life...
;-)
In speaking to a Latina friend of mine, this question (among many) came up: how do cultural differences affect your intimate relationships? She is dating a Latino from a different cultural upbringing and, the distinctions are vast, to say the least. Even though Spanish is their native tongue, the dialects are completely different and surprisingly, a slight language barrier exists. Foods, music, (we won't get into religious beliefs...stay tuned as that will be another posting), and family relations, among other important aspects are different, but could the differences cause turmoil in their home when building a life together?
Many children now-a-days can't really identify what their race is and I've actually heard little kids call themselves “Mutts”. Some children raised in households where the parents speak two different languages either only learn one language or they learn both, half-heartedly that is (i.e., Spanglish). Are we causing these children a disservice by confusing them about what language to speak, Holiday to celebrate, food to eat, and/or culture to appreciate? Or are we, in fact, expanding their horizon?
How successful are relationships where the partners grew up in an essentially different world? Is it just easier to be part of a relationship where you 'blend in'? When there is a family function for 2 people with different races, does everyone generally mix or is it more common to see the room divided (and I mean before the drinks)? Would you prefer to be with someone of your own ethnic upbringing or does it not matter to you? Why?
With more and more children being born into multi-racial families, is this world going to inevitably become Caramel? On questionnaires that ask you to list your race, will we soon see a little box to check off next to the words "I don't really know" or "Too may to List"? Or are these questionnaires going to have to entirely do away with the question of Race? When looking at the grand scheme of things, it's obviously not impossible as there are many successful, beautiful, multi-racial families. However, is it just one additional factor to consider and possibly an unnecessary stress to an already stress-filled relationship?
thoughts?
trying to bring some spice in your life...
;-)
Monday, July 6, 2009
When is it right?
"Does anybody really know when it's right? And how do you know? Are there signs, fireworks? Is it right when it feels comfortable or is comfortable a sign that there aren't any fireworks? Is hesitation a sign that it's not right or is it just a sign that you're not ready? In matters of love, how do you know when it's right? How do you know when it isn't right?" -C. Bradshaw S&TC, S4 E60, "Just Say Yes."
Compromising
"Relationships, no matter how good are inevitably a series of compromises, but how much of ourselves should we be willing to sacrifice for the other person before we stop being ourselves. In a relationship, when does the art of compromise become compromising?" Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City, Season 3 Episode 57 (Sex and the Country)
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