Jealousy & Paranoia: Relationship Killers

“Paranoid” by Kanye West


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=irBP5FnksKc


"It was one of the most humiliating and painful events of her life, but it wasn't the first time she was the victim of her husband's intense jealousy & paranoia. It was his family event, but because he had to work, the wife took their three sons to his parents' home for the barbeque. As she was standing talking to his brother, her husband arrived, walked up behind her, whirled her around and punched her in the face-- breaking her nose, splattering blood down the front of her cute summer outfit. He then accused her of sleeping with his brother.

Jealousy and paranoia are both 'rooted in fear', says Dr. Ronn Elmore, a relationship therapist, ordained minister and author. He says jealousy starts when 'our head starts talking to us, making us suspicious.' Paranoia kicks in when we are no longer questioning whether a suspicion is true. We've concluded that it's true and are considering aggressively acting on these suspicions.

'You can't let someone's insecurities become your shortcoming. Rejection coupled with anger and rage will become a very toxic situation.' -Chicago-based psychologist Dr. George Smith. He says men sometimes view women as property. 'They sometimes feel they've put down earnest money they are making the payments and even though the relationship is in foreclosure, they still claim ownership,' he says. Relationship experts suggest that you put your own jealousy and paranoia in check. First realize that it's often an 'inside job.'

Jealousy and paranoia are often rooted in a fear of abandonment or other issues, which may require long term therapy. And, finally, maintain your dignity by behaving with the utmost self-respect. If you have a problem with these emotions, it probably is not the first time, Elmore says. 'If you've been accused of this by two different people who don't know each other, perhaps its time that you consider that you are the problem and [you should] try to change. And change is always difficult.'"

{Ebony Magazine Article by Joy T. Bennett (November '08 Issue-page 148}