How do you let go?

True or False?

• I think of my former love partner often.
• I fantasize about being with my former love partner.
• I find excuses to talk to my former love partner.
• I talk about my former love partner often to others.
• I am angry with my former love partner.
• I still try to please my former love partner.
• I still have an emotional commitment to my former love partner.
• I still think my former partner and I will get back together.
• I become emotionally upset when I think about my former love partner.

If you answered True to at least one or more of the above statements then you may not have completely let go of your past relationship. You are carrying around some extra baggage that could get in the way of you starting a new relationship and moving forward in a more positive way. [1]

So tell me…How do you let go? How do you let go of Love? Is it ever possible to simple move on and never look back? Never reminisce about the incredible moments and experiences you shared? Can someone simply close a chapter of true love in their lives and just open up to a new chapter?

Is it generally easier, if you are the one walking away from a relationship? That may be the case, but what if a glimmer of hope still exists in your heart, in your mind? If you are on the other side of the equation, the brokenhearted one, things can be tremendously difficult for you. You may have an overwhelming feeling of never wanting to love another person again for fear of getting your heart broken yet again. What if you were dumped but are not sure that it is still over? You fear moving on because of the possibility (which may solely exist in your mind), that your ex will realize what he/she has done and come back to you.

In order to move on, you may need to take a step back and examine what may have been fundamentally broken in your relationship. Thoroughly analyze the negative aspects of the relationship that may have led to the break-up. Something must have been wrong in order to lead to this separation. Be honest with yourself about the extent to which the other person was really meeting your needs.
• Were they emotionally deficient?
• Were they at your level in terms of intimacy? Intellect? Financial goals? Career goals and aspirations?
• Was this person limiting you by giving you barriers as to what you could/could not do on a regular basis?
• Were their family members people you could get along with in the long run?
• Was this person family oriented? Or did they lead a single-person life?
• Did you get the feeling that they could be cheating or are capable of doing so in the future?

“Chances are you're longing for the relationship that you wish it could be, and that you want to be in love with the person you wish he/she was.”[2] Did your partner change over time? The best indicator of future behavior is to look at the past. It’s difficult, if not impossible for people to change so if your ex changed for the worse, walk away and don’t look back. ”Don't put your life on hold. Every minute you spend focusing on your ex is a minute that's holding you back from a better future. As long you are obsessed on this [person], you will never put your heart, soul and mind into getting your life in order and starting another relationship if you want one. Set some goals and start putting your life back together. 
 Ask yourself: Are you hiding in the relationship so you don't have to face the reality of being on your own? Don't stay with someone because it's comfortable and safe. It may seem more secure, but it's not healthy for you and it certainly won't help you get to a better place. Why would you want to settle and waste your life away just to avoid getting back in the game?” [2]

Don’t look through old pictures or home videos and don’t wallow in self-pity while listening to sad love songs that remind you of him/her. Try to cut off all communication to reduce the temptation to start something up again, especially if you are the one being dumped.

Some of us lose our own identity while in a relationship. Get to know who you are and who you were before this person entered (and exited) your life. Some activities you can participate in to reinvigorate yourself, include but are not limited to the following: take classes, make new friends or hang out with old friends with which you may have lost touch, start a hobby or get back into an old hobby and/or volunteer at a local organization.

Try not to generalize and understand that the next person that enters your life is not your Ex. Give them a fair chance and learn to trust again. Even though a new person may not have some or all of the great qualities you thought your ex had, this new person may have a lot of qualities you wish your Ex would have had. Lastly, remember “Que sera, sera.” If you are meant to be (as a couple), you will be. Best of luck!

Resources: [1] http://www.positive-way.com/letting_go_of_a_past_relationshi.htm [2] http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/172


“Dime” by Ivy Queen



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Y8EW7YBuiA