Q: I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for six years (on and off). We've had many issues in the past that have caused us to break up several times. My issue now is that my boyfriend shuns marriage. He says he's scared to get married because everyone around him is divorced. I feel like he will never truly commit. Am I wasting my time? I’m 31 and really want to get married and have children. Please help!
-Ashley L.
FreeHeartsAndMinds' Advice: Although I am NOT a relationship expert, my advice is Ashley, RUN (don't walk) away and don't look back. You two are not on the same page and the problems will just keep escalating if and when you both decide to get married. The fact that you have had an "on and off" relationship should be indication enough that an important link in your relationship is broken. Been there, done that...Now, it's time to move on! When he is grown and ready to commit, he may realize that he lost a good thing. By then, you will be happily married and raising the family you long for. Best of luck!
Advice from a trained professional:
A: Hi Ashley,
You ask a great question regarding commitment. Six years is a lot of time, energy and emotion to put into a relationship. However, starting a family with the wrong man would be a big mistake indeed. Of course, it’s impossible for me to know if this is the wrong man and if you’re “wasting your time.” But the fact that you’re reaching out tells me that your inner voice is whispering caution into you ear. All I can tell you is this: Judge people more by what they do than by what they say. However, in this case, it appears that what your boyfriend is “doing” and what he is “saying” are in agreement with each other.
If you could attach a voice to his overall demeanor when it comes to marriage and commitment issues, what would that voice be saying to you? Be as honest as you can. Create a one-sentence statement that describes exactly what you hear. Even though I have very limited information here, when I ask myself that question about his behavior, I hear, “I don’t want to commit and I don’t want to get married!” So my question to you is this: Are you unable to hear him OR are you just unwilling to hear him?
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
Source: Lifescript.com
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