"If I want it, I can take you from your man, with my eyes closed. I can have you eating out of the palm of my hand and all your little girlfriends too..." {Usher, "If I Want to," see video below}
A good friend of mine frequently says the following phrase: "Shortiez iz ill" (In my eyes, this should refer to both men and women.)
Even when a woman knows that a man is taken, why does she do anything in her power to steal him away from his rightful owner? Have you ever been the man in this type of situation? Or are you a man that has tried/are trying to steal the love of a woman that is already involved with someone else? Or the woman in that situation...torn between two men that please you only 50% each? Do you ever think that if someone is capable of cheating on someone else to be with you, that they would do the same thing to you, with someone else? Why do you always go after someone that is already taken?
I have heard that sometimes the mistress/mister-ess (I just made that word up) in this side-ways three-some believes that they are not to blame. Some believe that the man/woman who is willfully cheating on his/her wife/partner is the one at fault. Others feel that the person being cheated on is at fault for not being available emotionally/physically/mentally to the cheater. Call me crazy, but isn't it true that if the mistress/mister-ess would not exist, the act would not have taken place?
Well, then the mister/mistress that is initiating conversation with a married person & or the b-word that sees allllll the facebook/myspace pictures of the happy couple, but still flirts & tries to sleep with the man in the pictures is to blame. It doesn't matter if the guy says he & his lady are having issues. BACK UP until they are officially no longer together. STAY AWAY from him so you don't add to the problem. This equation already has too many variables and YOU should not be one of them. Don't you know he is not leaving his lady to be with you?! If he is weak and he does have you as a side piece, you will continue to be a side piece until he gets tired of you and your "when are you going to leave her to be with me drama?" Get over yourself and look for a man that is SINGLE. Did you ever hear of KARMA? They say it's a biatch and it will sooner or later come knocking at your door….most likely when you think you are in a healthy, loving relationship. You will turn around one day and realize that the love of your life, which you have never cheated on (because you changed), was living a double life. Keep that in mind the next time you see yourself flirting with fire.
Okay, so back to the drawing board…who is really to blame when someone cheats? Imagine if you will, a simple bank robbery, where there is a driver, the person with a gun that will actually perform the robbery, a look out person or two (inside & outside of the bank), and a back-up robber that maybe holds one of the money bags. Just for kicks lets throw in a bank teller who is actually involved by telling the robber when the security guard goes on break, where all of the security cameras are and who is maybe the first teller the robber confronts. Aren’t all of these people guilty (if found out)? So, if someone cheats, is it the cheaters fault for actually committing the crime, the victim (the one being cheated on) for not being 100% available to your significant other, the 3rd party (the driver, the look-out, the bank teller, the enemy climbing into the bed of someone in a relationship), or is everyone guilty of the crime?
Thoughts?
Below are interesting snippets obtained from Oprah.com where the "Other Woman" speaks out:
The "Other Woman" Speaks Out
It's the side of infidelity we rarely get to hear about-from the "other woman."
Sarah says she met one of the married men she dated at a business dinner. "He was a very distinguished businessman, high-profile, a lot older than me," she says. "He pursued me very hard. He would phone me constantly, text messaging and calling." She says she's since dated "countless" other married men.
Melissa was married when she began seeing a married man she met in a coffee shop. "My husband thought our marriage was fine," she says. "I was always wanting an upgrade."
Crystal, who says she's dated two married men, says that one man would buy her lingerie and they'd meet at her apartment. "He would really like for me to be sexy for him," she says. "I felt I could offer him great sex, and that his wife could not offer him that."
Michelle says she began seeing a man in Las Vegas almost seven years ago. He was also seeing a long-time girlfriend, whom he eventually married. After a brief breakup, Michelle started seeing him again-and they're still dating. At first, it was strictly a physical relationship, Michelle says, but when she later moved to his town, the affair became emotional as well. "We ended up spending a lot more time together, so I got to know him at a deeper level. It was more about who he was, what he wanted, and it was a lot more intimate than it had been."
After her initial meeting in the coffeeshop, Melissa says her affair continued, and they'd see each other three or four times a week. "The kids had soccer practice. I'd drop them off and run down to our spot," she says. "It was shielded by trees up above a road so it was completely secluded."
Crystal says when the man she was having an affair with told her about his home life, he made it sound like he wanted to leave. She says he told her the cost of divorce and alimony was holding him back. "I had fairy tale dreams of us being a power couple, being a well-kept wife, and having the big home and fancy cars and a big diamond ring," she says. "But it was never going to be a reality."
Sarah says she heard a similar story from her lover. "He wanted a future with me-so much so that he gave me a budget to go and look at properties, talked about settling down, talked about how he would explain to his other half that he was leaving, and when he was going to do it. He even rehearsed what he was going to say in front of me," she says. "Of course nothing happened-he couldn't leave her."
http://www.oprah.com/slideshow/oprahshow/slideshow1_ss_rel_20071019_350?cnn=yes
Usher, "If I Want to":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KrA0BmprIiU
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