Thefreedictionary.com provides the following definition for Nit-Picking: (n.) Minute, trivial, unnecessary, and unjustified criticism or faultfinding
When thinking about the definition of this word and the usual aftermath of the act, why do we nit-pick? In the example above, Carrie expresses that women tend the nit-pick, but I would like to point out that both men and women can be harsh when it comes this type of "constructive criticism". Why is it that everything in a relationship could be going GREAT and we always seem to find a little something to pick at? Maybe it's a word that is used in a conversation, a small action that one of us finds annoying, whatever it may be, we simply cannot let it go. We must bring it up and then bring it home! Could this minute thing be so important to us that we cannot move on without bringing it up? Is it that we need to find fault in our partners to make us feel good about ourselves?
I know I am not a saint with this one because I too am guilty of ruining a great day/evening because of something so trivial that could have and maybe should have been overlooked. Will it matter in 5 years? Will it really even matter in 5 minutes? In trying to be constructive while criticizing, sometimes people cause more harm that good. As much as it bothers you inside and makes your blood boil that some particular comment was made, is it better to just let it simmer a little longer and eventually move on, or will it keep boiling until you explode?
There are many important, maybe even life changing events that take place in our lives and in the lives of those around us. Wouldn't it be better to focus our energy on the things that really have an impact on who we are as a person? Or can you simply not concenstrate on the bigger isses until you resolve all of the little things that bother you? I've noticed that people nit-pick at most things President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama say, do, wear, etc. Is it just in our nature to do this? Do we have nothing better to do with our time that criticize what (in the grand scheme of things) is negligible? Maybe we are insecure about these small things in ourselves and it makes us feel better about our own actions? Can we look at the overall good in others and put aside their insignificant faults?
Can this act of constantly picking at small things that bug you ruin a relationship?
8 comments:
Great post on a difficult topic. Recently, I have been immersed in the pursuit to better my social interactions with the people around me. It's been a long journey with great rewards.
A lot of people are ill equipped to effectively communicate with people. It's difficult thing for most people to accept. It is similar to telling someone they can't drive well, we don't want to hear it. We can accept that singing, mathematics, dancing and drawing are skills that require dedicated effort to develop. When it comes to talking with other people, we assume it should be as natural as breathing. I feel that language is a skill developed in the same manner as singing and dancing.
Nit-picking can be related to self image/confidence issues; we project our issues and expectations onto others. Other times it could be incorrectly reading the situation. A friend could be seeking advice when they really want an ear. In a relationships, nit-picking could be related to abandonment or other issues where we feel on a subconscious level insecure and need to sabotage the relationship because things are going too well.
The important thing is that nit-picking is the symptom, not the cause. We can stop nit-picking, however, unless the causes for why we nit-pick is resolved, it will simply manifest itself in other forms.
Nit-picking over a trivial issue is important and it will matter in 5 minutes and even 5 years. If an argument arises over nit-picking in a relationship, its clear that the balance in the relationship is off. If a relationship is ruined over nit-picking, could the relationship really over come an actual issue?
Developing oneself is a process with many mistakes and growing pains. The people who stay with you throughout the process are true friends. The relationships that endured this process with you to the end, in a sense, were the ones meant to be.
Great post sista!
I have this conversation with one of my best friends all of the time. She nitpicks when it comes to her boyfriend a lot and I warn her that she needs to stop b/c one day he is going to blow up at her. However, knowing their situation, the nitpicking is just representative of bigger unresolved problems. Maybe once those problems are taken care of, the nitpicking will stop *shrugs.
As for the nitpicking with President Obama, I tend to think it is racism, but that's just me.
Hey! I CAN comment via iPhone!
Okay...
I'll check back in, but a comment's coming...
When it comes to relationships I agree nit-picking can definitely be representative of bigger unresolved issues, as stated by Constance above. I'm, without a doubt, guilty of this. I'll nit-pick at insignificant things mainly b/c I'm frustrated/confused/fed up with bigger issues in the relationship. Instead of owning up those bigger issues and confronting them head on, we focus on the smaller tedious things...perhaps as a way to let out that frustration?
Thanks for the tag Yomaris.
Nit-picking is relative.
What one person sees as nit-picking, another may see as confronting a major issue.
If one expects to be in a relationship with another person, the individuals should be open to what is on the mind of their partner. This is why it is very important to proceed slowly in relationships, whether than accelerate at a pace that allows neither party to know enough about the other to co-exist harmoniously.
Small things, if un-addressed, only fester...and sometimes grow in to permanent scars...leaving no option for healing
"Say what you need to say" John Mayer
love it! i too am guilty of nit picking, and have been actually learning to loosen up. it makes u feel better and less stressed when u can do it. (at least thats my personal experience). i also feel happier..however, im still learning to actually LET GO!. Thanks mama
"Nit-picking is relative."
Ironically, that statement is nit-picking. And so is mine, Ah! Disagreements on nit-picking denotes another issue; an attempt to belittle the others point or a fundamental incompatibility between the two people's views.
If we feel the need to nit-pick, we should as long as we're able to move beyond it afterward. If nit-picking is all or the primary thing we do, then its a problem.
Post a Comment