Relationship Problems and how to fix them (6 & 7 of 7)

Conflict

**You are not a victim. It is your choice whether to react and how to react.

**Be honest with yourself. When you're in the midst of an argument, are your comments directed toward resolution, or are you looking for payback? If your comments are blaming and hurtful, it's best to take a deep breath and change your strategy.

**Change it up. If you continue to respond in the same way that has brought you pain and unhappiness in the past, you can't expect a different result this time. Just one little shift can make a big difference. If you usually jump right in to defend yourself before your partner is finished speaking, hold off for a few moments. You'll be surprised at how such a small shift in tempo can change the whole tone of an argument.

**Give a little; get a lot. Apologize when you're wrong. Sure it's tough, but just try it and watch something wonderful happen.

Trust

**Be consistent.
**Be on time.
**Do what you say you will do.
**Don't lie -- not even little white lies, to your partner or to others.
**Be fair, even in an argument.
**Be sensitive to the other's feelings. You can still disagree but don't discount how your partner is feeling.
**Call when you say you will.
**Call to say you'll be home late.
**Carry your fair share of the workload.
**Don't overreact when things go wrong.
**Never say things you can't take back.
**Don't dig up old wounds.
**Respect your partner's boundaries.
**Don’t be jealous.
**Be a good listener.

Although relationships have their ups and downs, there are things you can both do that may well minimize marriage problems, if not help avoid them altogether, says psychologist Karen Sherman. Be realistic. Thinking your mate will meet all your needs -- and will be able to figure them out without your asking -- is a Hollywood fantasy.

Use humor -- learn to let things go and enjoy one another more. And be willing to work on your relationship and to truly look at what needs to be done. Don't think that it will be better with someone else; the same problems you have in this relationship because of lack of skills will still exist.

Source: http://blackdoctor.org/articles1.aspx?counter=37528