Thursday, October 21, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Love/Work
Below is a blog from a friend of mine. I must say, it hit home when I read it and the thoughts just kept flowing! My commentary is below his blog entry.
Source: Straightpen
Love/Work by JUSHH
Would’ve came back for you
I just needed time, to do what I had to do
Caught in the life, I can’t let it go
Whether that’s right, I will never know
Hope you forgive me, never meant wrong
Tried to be patient, it waited too long
But I would’ve came back, would’ve came back for you
- Drake, “Paris Morton Music” (2010)
Stop me if you heard this before…
“I want to be with you, but I’m focused on my career right now”
It is said that men avoid commitment and they use their career as an excuse. Well being a man who has done the former and has been accused of the latter, I am here to tell you… don’t believe everything that you hear.
Five years ago I decided to start my own company. My business, especially in the beginning, consumed me. So much so that it became a large part of whom I was. The last thing on my mind at that time was a relationship. And because of that, I’ve allowed some pretty special women to walk into and out of my life. But it wasn’t because I was scared to commit but the complete opposite, I was committed to something other than you.
A good relationship takes a significant amount of time and effort. Similarly, high career aspirations also require the same. And as long as there are only 24 hours in a day, something has to give. Sure, any man can say, “yes” to a relationship but what is the point, if you know that you can’t hold up your end of the deal? A woman can be patient and understanding but how long can you take being the #2 priority? Will you be able to ignore all the Blackberry interruptions or accept having an emergency cancel a date? Eventually you will complain to him about how he’s never around and blame him for the relationship falling apart.
You can’t say that you want a man with ambition and then criticize his ambitious efforts.
Its not that we don’t want to be with you, its that we know it won’t work out and would rather avoid being the villain. We know that because our career must come first, it’s simply not fair to drag you down that road – even if it means losing you. A selfish man would try to have both and guilt you into staying in an unfulfilling relationship. A good man is brave enough to make a choice and won’t accept a woman’s heart until he’s ready to take care of it. The best thing that a busy man can say to a woman is, “I’m not ready.”
Choosing this path is a painful process because you are never sure if you are making the right decision. You constantly go back and forth, doubting your choice. There’s nothing harder than watching the woman you care about cry in your arms because she can’t understand why you can’t be together. It’s impossible to explain that you will be able to give her everything as soon as you reach your goals and get stability. Sadly, you have no idea when that moment will come and if she will still be around when it does.
So the next time you hear a man say this to you, please don’t jump to conclusions and assume that he is just looking for excuses to be promiscuous. Instead try to understand his point of view and recognize his painful dilemma. It’s not easy to walk down a dark path towards a door that you may never find. It’s even harder when you know that you’re leaving a beautiful sunshine behind you. But if you want to achieve your dreams, you have to put your head down, stay focused and work hard. And hopefully when it all works out, you’ll be able to come back to her.
And to those who have heard those words from me and were too skeptical to wait,
I would have came back for you, too.
Free Hearts and Minds commentary regarding the above Blog...
What are your thoughts?
There is soooo much I can write regarding your blog, but I will try to keep it short and to the point. As always, great post J!
Please note that when I refer to "You" I am referring to the career oriented men who think the way you describe in your post.
I find it commendable that you would want to let someone go instead of ‘dragging them along’ while you sort through your life and work out all of the kinks. I have noticed that a growing number of men find it important to have their 'ish together financially before 'settling down.' Theoretically it sounds great. Men have been historically seen as the bread-winner, the head of the household, the person that takes care of those that depend on him (his lady and children). Therefore it makes some sense to stay focused on his career towards the beginning of it to be able to provide for his family in the future.
In response to this: “You can’t say that you want a man with ambition and then criticize his ambitious efforts,” I would never criticize the efforts of an ambitious man. Those men are hard to come by! However, the problem I find with this one-track mindedness is that it seems like you will never be able to juggle all of the balls being thrown your way. That is what we criticize. When you finally make it to the end of this “dark path” which one hopes leads to financial freedom, and you finally get into a relationship with someone, the struggles do not just disappear. They can in fact multiply. If you decide to get married, own a home, have children, purchase some pets, etc, what if the roof caves in because of a leak, you find out you have a terminal illness, or a recession hits and slows down your source of income...what then? Do you bail out on the woman and family in your life so that you can get yourself back on the "right" track? Or do you learn how to juggle all of these extra balls life just slammed into your face?
It seems like women, now-a-days, or even way back when, have to be/have been superwomen and take on tons of responsibilities all at the same time. Some women work full-time jobs, go home to cook, clean, take care of their children, help them study, bathe and get them to bed, take care of their men by performing their womanly requirements and then they have to get up the next morning with a smile on their face, breakfast on the table and take on the world all over again. I have similar characteristics with Women between the ages of 17 and 50+. On the other hand, "Men" between the ages of 25 and sometimes 37+ can't work on getting their career up and running while showing love and affection to the person that loves them?! Pardon my French, but get the F*CK outta here! I just don't get it. I kind of would almost prefer to be told you haven't been around the block enough times and need to sleep with more women. Truth be told, if you can't juggle a relationship and the job/career now, how can I be so sure you're not going to run away with your tail between your legs when the shit really hits the fan? Otherwise, just tell me you just don’t love me enough, because that is surely what it’s going to seem like when 7 months after you break up with me, you’ve finally “made it” and you end up marrying some random female who just came into your life. It’s funny how the world works! At that point, I will look back and think… “oh wow, he was cheating on me with this chickenhead all along.” Spare us the heart-ache, tears, time we will never get back, emotional and mental stress and break-it off within the first couple of months if you know you cannot make us #1 or even #1.5 on your list. Also spare the next man that is ready to settle down, the struggles he will have to endure because now you have caused one good girl to think every man is the same.
You ask, “Will you be able to ignore all the Blackberry interruptions or accept having an emergency cancel a date?” I would think that most successful, worth-your-while, women would answer “Yes” because we have lives too and may sometimes need to cancel a date or two. But does that mean every single date needs to be cancelled for a year or two because of business? No, those are one-off situations. Not very many people cancel a dinner and movie (which usually takes place at night and/or on the weekend) because something came up in the office…Catch my drift?
Here are a couple of rhetorical questions that come to mind after reading your post. Why not grow with someone by your side? Someone who loves you and will support you through the highs and lows while you are getting your career off the ground? Why not experience the ups and downs with someone that will be there for you through it all instead of running around sleeping with every chic that comes your way? Once you do make it "big", how much more difficult is it going to be to find someone that wants you for who you are and not what you have/own/are about to purchase? Lastly, when is enough, enough (i.e., when you “make it” to the first prong on this ladder of success you have defined for yourself, are you going to walk away from the next sunshine because you have to get to the next prong?)?
Source: Straightpen
Love/Work by JUSHH
Would’ve came back for you
I just needed time, to do what I had to do
Caught in the life, I can’t let it go
Whether that’s right, I will never know
Hope you forgive me, never meant wrong
Tried to be patient, it waited too long
But I would’ve came back, would’ve came back for you
- Drake, “Paris Morton Music” (2010)
Stop me if you heard this before…
“I want to be with you, but I’m focused on my career right now”
It is said that men avoid commitment and they use their career as an excuse. Well being a man who has done the former and has been accused of the latter, I am here to tell you… don’t believe everything that you hear.
Five years ago I decided to start my own company. My business, especially in the beginning, consumed me. So much so that it became a large part of whom I was. The last thing on my mind at that time was a relationship. And because of that, I’ve allowed some pretty special women to walk into and out of my life. But it wasn’t because I was scared to commit but the complete opposite, I was committed to something other than you.
A good relationship takes a significant amount of time and effort. Similarly, high career aspirations also require the same. And as long as there are only 24 hours in a day, something has to give. Sure, any man can say, “yes” to a relationship but what is the point, if you know that you can’t hold up your end of the deal? A woman can be patient and understanding but how long can you take being the #2 priority? Will you be able to ignore all the Blackberry interruptions or accept having an emergency cancel a date? Eventually you will complain to him about how he’s never around and blame him for the relationship falling apart.
You can’t say that you want a man with ambition and then criticize his ambitious efforts.
Its not that we don’t want to be with you, its that we know it won’t work out and would rather avoid being the villain. We know that because our career must come first, it’s simply not fair to drag you down that road – even if it means losing you. A selfish man would try to have both and guilt you into staying in an unfulfilling relationship. A good man is brave enough to make a choice and won’t accept a woman’s heart until he’s ready to take care of it. The best thing that a busy man can say to a woman is, “I’m not ready.”
Choosing this path is a painful process because you are never sure if you are making the right decision. You constantly go back and forth, doubting your choice. There’s nothing harder than watching the woman you care about cry in your arms because she can’t understand why you can’t be together. It’s impossible to explain that you will be able to give her everything as soon as you reach your goals and get stability. Sadly, you have no idea when that moment will come and if she will still be around when it does.
So the next time you hear a man say this to you, please don’t jump to conclusions and assume that he is just looking for excuses to be promiscuous. Instead try to understand his point of view and recognize his painful dilemma. It’s not easy to walk down a dark path towards a door that you may never find. It’s even harder when you know that you’re leaving a beautiful sunshine behind you. But if you want to achieve your dreams, you have to put your head down, stay focused and work hard. And hopefully when it all works out, you’ll be able to come back to her.
And to those who have heard those words from me and were too skeptical to wait,
I would have came back for you, too.
Free Hearts and Minds commentary regarding the above Blog...
What are your thoughts?
There is soooo much I can write regarding your blog, but I will try to keep it short and to the point. As always, great post J!
Please note that when I refer to "You" I am referring to the career oriented men who think the way you describe in your post.
I find it commendable that you would want to let someone go instead of ‘dragging them along’ while you sort through your life and work out all of the kinks. I have noticed that a growing number of men find it important to have their 'ish together financially before 'settling down.' Theoretically it sounds great. Men have been historically seen as the bread-winner, the head of the household, the person that takes care of those that depend on him (his lady and children). Therefore it makes some sense to stay focused on his career towards the beginning of it to be able to provide for his family in the future.
In response to this: “You can’t say that you want a man with ambition and then criticize his ambitious efforts,” I would never criticize the efforts of an ambitious man. Those men are hard to come by! However, the problem I find with this one-track mindedness is that it seems like you will never be able to juggle all of the balls being thrown your way. That is what we criticize. When you finally make it to the end of this “dark path” which one hopes leads to financial freedom, and you finally get into a relationship with someone, the struggles do not just disappear. They can in fact multiply. If you decide to get married, own a home, have children, purchase some pets, etc, what if the roof caves in because of a leak, you find out you have a terminal illness, or a recession hits and slows down your source of income...what then? Do you bail out on the woman and family in your life so that you can get yourself back on the "right" track? Or do you learn how to juggle all of these extra balls life just slammed into your face?
It seems like women, now-a-days, or even way back when, have to be/have been superwomen and take on tons of responsibilities all at the same time. Some women work full-time jobs, go home to cook, clean, take care of their children, help them study, bathe and get them to bed, take care of their men by performing their womanly requirements and then they have to get up the next morning with a smile on their face, breakfast on the table and take on the world all over again. I have similar characteristics with Women between the ages of 17 and 50+. On the other hand, "Men" between the ages of 25 and sometimes 37+ can't work on getting their career up and running while showing love and affection to the person that loves them?! Pardon my French, but get the F*CK outta here! I just don't get it. I kind of would almost prefer to be told you haven't been around the block enough times and need to sleep with more women. Truth be told, if you can't juggle a relationship and the job/career now, how can I be so sure you're not going to run away with your tail between your legs when the shit really hits the fan? Otherwise, just tell me you just don’t love me enough, because that is surely what it’s going to seem like when 7 months after you break up with me, you’ve finally “made it” and you end up marrying some random female who just came into your life. It’s funny how the world works! At that point, I will look back and think… “oh wow, he was cheating on me with this chickenhead all along.” Spare us the heart-ache, tears, time we will never get back, emotional and mental stress and break-it off within the first couple of months if you know you cannot make us #1 or even #1.5 on your list. Also spare the next man that is ready to settle down, the struggles he will have to endure because now you have caused one good girl to think every man is the same.
You ask, “Will you be able to ignore all the Blackberry interruptions or accept having an emergency cancel a date?” I would think that most successful, worth-your-while, women would answer “Yes” because we have lives too and may sometimes need to cancel a date or two. But does that mean every single date needs to be cancelled for a year or two because of business? No, those are one-off situations. Not very many people cancel a dinner and movie (which usually takes place at night and/or on the weekend) because something came up in the office…Catch my drift?
Here are a couple of rhetorical questions that come to mind after reading your post. Why not grow with someone by your side? Someone who loves you and will support you through the highs and lows while you are getting your career off the ground? Why not experience the ups and downs with someone that will be there for you through it all instead of running around sleeping with every chic that comes your way? Once you do make it "big", how much more difficult is it going to be to find someone that wants you for who you are and not what you have/own/are about to purchase? Lastly, when is enough, enough (i.e., when you “make it” to the first prong on this ladder of success you have defined for yourself, are you going to walk away from the next sunshine because you have to get to the next prong?)?
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